Trying to Fit In

     Gay Pride Weekend zooms to meet us.  It used to be about this...

Now, it's just an excuse to be wild and lewd in public.

Recently, an acquaintance of mine posted this online:

     I emphasize with his feeling of "not being accepted" by the NYC urban gay community.  I've often written about its harsh and discriminatory exclusions in America.  Hooray to him for not letting it corrupt him, and for being "himself" to allow others (who don't fit the expected "mold" of stereotypes) to "belong" somewhere.

     I only wish that he realized it sooner and saved himself from pain and inner turmoil.  

     Arriving in Manhattan as a Midwest transplant, he looked like this: somewhat trendy, thought-provoking, clean, and interesting.  

But that's of no interest to the club-going gay men of NYC, which everyone thinks they need to attract.  So, he did the obligatory "peer pressure" maneuvers to fit in and gain acceptance (otherwise NYC gay culture shunned him).  Sadly, it's the EXACT SAME path as 20 years ago: dye the hair, get an edgy haircut--like the uber-gay "web-personality" below-- 

(which this young man did),

then march in gay parades, and remove your clothes,

... quickly followed by acting like a slut (to gain attention--especially needed if you're not muscular).

Like a moth to flame, he was drawn to Fire Island.

For just over a year, it all worked.  He was friendly with some of the most popular young men in the "night scene": DJs, go-go boys, bartenders, party promoters.

Yet, he wasn't himself.  

As soon as he didn't constantly act "on"--or didn't do the obligatory requests that guaranteed him a bed on the Island or free booze at the bar--he was overlooked.

Feeling rebellious, he dabbled in the underground "leather/party" scene.

Alas, he found that all his efforts merely gained him temporary inclusion... and if he didn't keep up with them, the bar-hopping guys quickly fell out of touch with inconsiderate abandonment.  No real friendships materialized; nobody he could count on or help enrich his life goals.

Amongst a community known for fighting for its rights of inclusion, he was alone due to its snooty & shallow values.  He fought depression and lack of self-worth.  

Until he learned to love himself.

Eventually, he realized that better-lasting relationships occur around a home-cooked dinner (with clothes on), then at Boxers Bar or Asbury Park.

Now, he wants to be himself again, in order to welcome newcomers and show people online that NYC's famously harsh gay scene has a few "good guys" in it.

As for the other majority, here's an important question: 

Will you forgo acting with veneers to be uniquely YOU... or