Lewis introduced me to his friends, coworkers, and ex-coworkers. Many were gay men. Like me, many enjoyed form-fitting clothes, cooking or discovering good food, performing arts, people-watching, and day-trips. Side-by-side, Lewis and I looked at his old photo albums; he was bashful about his teenage poses in blazers and linen suits, until he heard my sartorial stories. We often spend unplanned days meandering neighborhoods, discovering unique stores, cheesemongers, or mixologists. We savor speakeasies in Alphabet City, dim sum in Chinatown, French pastry in SoHo, cozy shops on Bleecker Street, fine dining in midtown, and farm-to-table restaurants in the West Village. We have enthusiasm for local businesses, and we cheer for intrepid proprietors.
For my birthday, Lewis booked us a sleek room at Yotel (because purple is my favorite color) in Hell's Kitchen and took me for a perfect dinner, segueing to candlelit cupcakes and champagne on the remote-controlled bed!
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It is a Commonwealth Realm under the reign of Queen Elizabeth II. Despite that, it maintains its French roots. It was an eventful voyage to Nova Scotia, where we went ashore at its capital: Halifax, named for the Earl of Halifax in 1749. We docked at other Canadian ports and tasted their culinary talents. The people were sweetly wonderful.
On other jaunts, we visited Boston by train...
...and Chicago by plane.
For a "romantic date", we flew to Paris!
I realized who I really am and what I truly love and seek. Lewis and I are aligned with what we want in our lives. That clarity naturally opened doors for the right people to enter my life: beautiful, youthful, and brave souls. Some educate and heal me; others surround me with great experiences and positive energy. They are the best reflection of where I'm at.
http://halfwindsorfullthrottle.blogspot.com/2017/06/my-true-story-with-wells-fargo-and-my.html
We travelled with Lewis' childhood friend, Ly, and adventured across that gorgeous capital. We lunched in the Latin Quarter, dined on gourmet farm-to-table food, stargazed under the Eiffel Tower, explored French Gothic architecture in Notre Dame Cathedral, strolled along the quay of the Seine River and enjoyed an all-night drag show at Chez Michou.
Seen below with sunglasses, the gay owner invited our trio to sit at his table.
We opted for a day-trip through the Loire Valley (which is a UNESCO World Heritage Site) and explored unforgettable riverside villages and three historic châteaux.
We ventured internationally by overnight high-speed train to Barcelona, and this is its coat of arms.
It was a snug, efficient way to complete the 1,036-kilometer trip.
Seen above, we toured several buildings circa 1880s designed by the avante-garde architect, Antoni Guadi, which are UNESCO World Heritage Sites. We entered his most-famous creation of Catalan Modernism (which is still under construction since 1882): the Basilica Sagrada Familia.
We took another train ride through the beautiful countryside of Aragon.
We journeyed by rail to Madrid: the capital of Spain. We toured the royal family's palace, and we lunched at San Miguel Market.
Along the way, we socialized with people, tasted local cuisine, learned about cultures, and loved Europe's hospitality and way-of-life. To us, it was much better than typical American overworked/overpriced lifestyles.
To mark our six-month anniversary, we dined at Momofuku Ko in Manhattan for Japanese cuisine that won two Michelin stars.
I realized who I really am and what I truly love and seek. Lewis and I are aligned with what we want in our lives. That clarity naturally opened doors for the right people to enter my life: beautiful, youthful, and brave souls. Some educate and heal me; others surround me with great experiences and positive energy. They are the best reflection of where I'm at.
I enjoy every day, and I optimistically look forward to my opportunities. Other people are scared about scarcity, but I know that the world abounds with chances. Sometimes you must relocate more than once to reach them, but don't be afraid of that.
In earlier years, I spent my personal time doing things for unappreciative people. I earned my way up into leadership roles of unfruitful organizations, only getting "battle fatigue". I strove to impress petty people.
Now, if I sense that people require constant “chasing” to stay in touch, I simply let them drift. I graciously/maturely keep no expectations of friends, and for the ones who want to socialize, I'm always there! That cleaned up my energy flow. I meet life-loving people. We share many adventures.
In the past, people loved telling me all their problems. Now, I’m finished being a "forced therapist", but I'm still considered a great motivational speaker and advisor. I coach my team at work, and I inspire my friends. They tell me how I brighten their lives.
In the past, whatever “limb of success” I strove for withered underneath me, and it agonized me. Now, I realize that it's a phenomenon of New York City jobs, because they uncaringly rely on a constant influx of new residents and candidates. I keep a Life/Work balance, with time to refresh. Instead of consuming my weekends doing chores, I "stop to smell the roses". I savor handmade food, espresso, wine, pastry... and I’m loved as a good tipper.
I’m jubilant. Folks say that I have a bright aura. Last week, a total stranger in a café told me, "You've got a great energy around you... a nice easy mellow energy." Another friend texted me, "Stay in touch. You've got such a bright halo of energy." Maybe my strong challenges awoke my strength.
I live each day. Aside from my acute memory and
enthusiastic writing style for this blog, I "let go" of the past. (Just because I write it well, doesn't mean that I carry that crap around). The strings of intertwined problematic
relationships, guilty expectations from family and others—to be “the type of person they needed”—are gone. I
am Me, and I get along swimmingly with those who appreciate me.
From personal experience, I learned ten lessons and give them to you as free advice:
1. Let go of toxic people in your life.
2. Stop regretting past mistakes.
3. Let go of the need to be right.
4. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
5. Avoid negative talk.
6. Let go of the need to impress others.
7. Let go of any "limiting" beliefs.
8. Let go of the need to please everyone.
9. Stop complaining.
10. Stop worrying about the future.
A high school alumnae messaged me on Facebook during Mother's Day: "Ken, as someone who sat next to you in class (thank you for waking me up during Earth Science) and now has a son, I know that your mom and former friends are missing out! Based on the fabulous and happy life I see you living on FB, I pray that one day they see beyond themselves to the person you are and embraces all that you are."
Another former classmate saw these blog posts and wrote, "I know we weren't friends at school, and I really don't know you beyond what you post here. But you seem to be happy with your life. You work, you enjoy your free time, you have someone to share your heart with. That's what matters. We keep telling our daughter that we will love her no matter what. As long as she's happy, we'll be happy for her. As a mother, I would be proud to have a son like you."
A college friend messaged me, "It seems like you're happy, and I truly hope you are. I wish others would be more accepting. My daughter has a gay friend. She was so excited to come home Monday and share with me that he just got his first kiss. I hope he's getting support and love at home… and it made me think of you. I know you didn't get that at home, but I'm informally adopting you! You can always get support from our home! And my daughter thinks that Lewis is hot!"
A young man from my past read this blog and messaged me: "Hi Ken. Wow, I have a greater understanding of you… and Life. I made a lot of changes over the past years. After reviewing my conduct towards you in the past, I want to apologize for it. I was wondering if you'd be willing to meet for coffee sometime. Whenever it might fit in."
A week later, another college friend messaged me: "I read your posts; they were page-turners! I am sad for you... and surprised. I remember meeting your family. It's detestable for them to treat you like that. My sister is gay and my mom disowned her for 10 years. Terrible and tragic. I hope you found your peace. I can't understand how a parent can do such terrible things. You are such a wonderful person. If you ever want to talk, please reach out to me."
My heart melted at those loving notes.
Use this link to see the finale between Wells Fargo, my mother, and I:In earlier years, I spent my personal time doing things for unappreciative people. I earned my way up into leadership roles of unfruitful organizations, only getting "battle fatigue". I strove to impress petty people.
Now, if I sense that people require constant “chasing” to stay in touch, I simply let them drift. I graciously/maturely keep no expectations of friends, and for the ones who want to socialize, I'm always there! That cleaned up my energy flow. I meet life-loving people. We share many adventures.
In the past, people loved telling me all their problems. Now, I’m finished being a "forced therapist", but I'm still considered a great motivational speaker and advisor. I coach my team at work, and I inspire my friends. They tell me how I brighten their lives.
In the past, whatever “limb of success” I strove for withered underneath me, and it agonized me. Now, I realize that it's a phenomenon of New York City jobs, because they uncaringly rely on a constant influx of new residents and candidates. I keep a Life/Work balance, with time to refresh. Instead of consuming my weekends doing chores, I "stop to smell the roses". I savor handmade food, espresso, wine, pastry... and I’m loved as a good tipper.
I’m jubilant. Folks say that I have a bright aura. Last week, a total stranger in a café told me, "You've got a great energy around you... a nice easy mellow energy." Another friend texted me, "Stay in touch. You've got such a bright halo of energy." Maybe my strong challenges awoke my strength.
From personal experience, I learned ten lessons and give them to you as free advice:
1. Let go of toxic people in your life.
2. Stop regretting past mistakes.
3. Let go of the need to be right.
4. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
5. Avoid negative talk.
6. Let go of the need to impress others.
7. Let go of any "limiting" beliefs.
8. Let go of the need to please everyone.
9. Stop complaining.
10. Stop worrying about the future.
A high school alumnae messaged me on Facebook during Mother's Day: "Ken, as someone who sat next to you in class (thank you for waking me up during Earth Science) and now has a son, I know that your mom and former friends are missing out! Based on the fabulous and happy life I see you living on FB, I pray that one day they see beyond themselves to the person you are and embraces all that you are."
Another former classmate saw these blog posts and wrote, "I know we weren't friends at school, and I really don't know you beyond what you post here. But you seem to be happy with your life. You work, you enjoy your free time, you have someone to share your heart with. That's what matters. We keep telling our daughter that we will love her no matter what. As long as she's happy, we'll be happy for her. As a mother, I would be proud to have a son like you."
A college friend messaged me, "It seems like you're happy, and I truly hope you are. I wish others would be more accepting. My daughter has a gay friend. She was so excited to come home Monday and share with me that he just got his first kiss. I hope he's getting support and love at home… and it made me think of you. I know you didn't get that at home, but I'm informally adopting you! You can always get support from our home! And my daughter thinks that Lewis is hot!"
A young man from my past read this blog and messaged me: "Hi Ken. Wow, I have a greater understanding of you… and Life. I made a lot of changes over the past years. After reviewing my conduct towards you in the past, I want to apologize for it. I was wondering if you'd be willing to meet for coffee sometime. Whenever it might fit in."
A week later, another college friend messaged me: "I read your posts; they were page-turners! I am sad for you... and surprised. I remember meeting your family. It's detestable for them to treat you like that. My sister is gay and my mom disowned her for 10 years. Terrible and tragic. I hope you found your peace. I can't understand how a parent can do such terrible things. You are such a wonderful person. If you ever want to talk, please reach out to me."
My heart melted at those loving notes.
I was arrested by my mother for doing nothing wrong—while she did the illegal activities, as did my sister and father. So far, they got away with their crimes. I was ripped from my home while being condemned for being gay, lost the potential from the relationships I earned, stressfully fought a false felony charge for a year, was financially drained by my lazy lawyer, was downsized from two successful jobs, quit one just before it collapsed, quit another that I was long overdue to leave, moved 4 times in 3 years (and was involved in moving massive amounts of crap for Ron and Corey), discovered my true identity alone, was cheated on and abandoned during my first intimate relationship, suffered financial ruin, was stressfully chased by debt collectors, owned less than $50 to my name for several months, got "dumped" by my second significant relationship for doing nothing wrong, changed job careers 4 times (only once by calmly-planned choice), changed work cities 3 times, adjusted from car-oriented suburban life to urban mass transit, was in a year-long emotionally abusive relationship, was “used” by many people who were close to me. I rehashed all of it during two therapies and a series of embarrassing "interventions". None of that put me under, and I'm here to tell the world that I overcame it. I'm still upbeat, smarter, more enthusiastic, and putting my "best foot forward".
*NOTE: it is the day after Father's Day 2014 when I add this. Yesterday, my father and I talked; he was brief and nondescript, as usual. But my godfather—Dad's brother, (released from prison and ending his probation)—got on the phone. He must've stepped outside their log cabin to avoid my father's ears. He gave me a big apology. My uncle's therapist identified four "psychological conditions" that my father has. Only after living with my father for a few years has my godfather realized how "crazy", OCD, and unstable Dad is. My uncle could only imagine how bad it must've been for me to live with my father. He recently discovered what happened to me on Long Island, regarding my parents' divorce arrangement, the financial abuse beset on me for their house, and my mother's attempt to have me falsely accused/ruined. He's extremely sorry for what I went through. Yet, he didn't offer any financial help. In closing, he mentioned that he just bought a new Jeep, Dad is polishing his baby-blue convertible, they see lots of wildlife, and they're selling one of their 3 "property maintenance" tractors, and one of their small motorboats. He advised me to reach out to my sister—who, as Fate would have it—called their telephone while I was talking to them.
So I called her. She still denied ever being contacted by my lawyer or the District Attorney's offices to help me overturn our mother's false charges against me. But she had known, in advance, that Mom was going to have me arrested/framed. She knew that her wedding was paid for by "demented Edith", as Edith also paid for Mom's Mercedes. She knew that I suffered—mentally and financially—through a year of legal proceedings... while having no money and nearly being homeless. With a brief apology, she bypassed how she hadn't offered me any aid. I wasn't expecting her to talk about that anyway. She wanted to tell me that her husband lost his job, a year ago. They faced a possible home foreclosure... also by Wells Fargo. (Karma comes around). My sister was scared and wanted to know how I got through my ordeal. I replied that I accomplished it mostly on my own, and that it's important to document/record everything. She concluded by telling me how she and Mom rented a Tennessee cabin for a vacation getaway, and how her cash income as a beautician supported their 5 dogs, 2 cats, parrot, and iguana. Getting our mother from Long Island gave my sister an excuse to visit our old home. She was horrified. Mom had a roommate, whose dog urinated all over the TV-room's carpet and destroyed the leather loveseat and the $3,000 leather vibrating reclining chair. During daytime, local repairmen saw my sister's car in the driveway and banged on the door to demand money for overdue payments. Que sera, sera. End of our call.
That night at 10:58pm, I received an unexpected email from Chris: "Dear Ken, I hope this finds you well. Firstly, I would like to apologize for the past. I was a selfish person incapable of loving someone else. I needed to go and find myself in this world. While I regret a lot of what happened, it was your care that helped me to be the person I am today. Without it, I would cease to be me. You took me in, when I was basically homeless. That I shall never forget. You gave me love when no else did, and you provided a safe life. Unfortunately, I was not receptive and needed to make mistakes. I am pleased to say that I am a better person. I am now 7 months clean and sober. It wasn't the substances to blame, but deep issues I was hiding from. I finally confronted them and am able to write this letter to you. I hope that you can forgive me for the past, for you will always be a memorable part of my life. I hope everything goes well for you, and know that whatever you choose is yours to be. I learned that holding bitter feelings towards people only eats us up internally. But after all that happened, I would not fault you for not writing back. I hope that you do, and it would be nice to be friends. We never really got to be friends. I wish you well in your ventures."
Evidently, the "stars were aligned" for tidying up updates from my past.
If I could somehow rewrite my past, I would keep Lewis, yet I would exercise more confidence to do things "outside the box", earlier in life. I'd listen to my heart and not my family, realizing that not all families are good. I'd give myself more mentors. I'd definitely want gay peers in school (maybe I needed to be born later—especially for the technology). I'd want more information and awareness about my sexuality during my formative years, to know that I was normal. I'd be ready when someone asked me out for a date—or maybe I'd be aware of signals that encouraged me to do the asking instead. I would want advice about "striking out on my own", financial smarts, and awareness of living in a city (not advice for a suburban lifestyle, vicariously living through TV, catalogs, and websites). Maybe I'd go to an urban college, or have a year abroad as an exchange student. I'd get a job in a "truly first-world" city—like I always wanted and arranged so many interviews for.
I'd want people in my life to be interested in my welfare, helping me to stay clear of abusers and debt. I'd prefer that the people whom I reached out to would actually respond and help me. I'd want friends to enrich my life, instead of leaching off of me. Good people would reach out to me, instead of only negative forces.
Metaphysically speaking, if I could redo things, I'd arrange it so that I wasn't constantly "tested" in life without reward or advancement. My successes with organizations/relationships would propel me upwards—so I wouldn't be on the outside looking in. Efforts and contributions would be rewarded. My jobs wouldn't fall out from under my feet; instead, I'd "move up the ladder" in a meritocracy and use my skills to make improvements. I'd make financial investments, so I eventually wouldn't need a job. I'd have more people with positive energy in my life. (Sure, you'll encounter negative people, but you shouldn't go through years of having only that kind, while good people—whom you reached for—fell away).
I'd make a difference in people's lives—not just make their lives possible because I didn't have one. I'd get answers to my questions, instead of silence or being told "I don't need to know". If I didn't like something in a situation, I'd be able to get away from it—not financially destitute and stuck there, as it got worse. I'd make a fine impact on the world—both through little gestures and grand "I'm there for you" deeds. That is STILL what I intend to do!
Putting it to paper, I set it to rest. I know that everything happens for a reason, and my soul was meant to pass through challenges.
*NOTE: it is the day after Father's Day 2014 when I add this. Yesterday, my father and I talked; he was brief and nondescript, as usual. But my godfather—Dad's brother, (released from prison and ending his probation)—got on the phone. He must've stepped outside their log cabin to avoid my father's ears. He gave me a big apology. My uncle's therapist identified four "psychological conditions" that my father has. Only after living with my father for a few years has my godfather realized how "crazy", OCD, and unstable Dad is. My uncle could only imagine how bad it must've been for me to live with my father. He recently discovered what happened to me on Long Island, regarding my parents' divorce arrangement, the financial abuse beset on me for their house, and my mother's attempt to have me falsely accused/ruined. He's extremely sorry for what I went through. Yet, he didn't offer any financial help. In closing, he mentioned that he just bought a new Jeep, Dad is polishing his baby-blue convertible, they see lots of wildlife, and they're selling one of their 3 "property maintenance" tractors, and one of their small motorboats. He advised me to reach out to my sister—who, as Fate would have it—called their telephone while I was talking to them.
So I called her. She still denied ever being contacted by my lawyer or the District Attorney's offices to help me overturn our mother's false charges against me. But she had known, in advance, that Mom was going to have me arrested/framed. She knew that her wedding was paid for by "demented Edith", as Edith also paid for Mom's Mercedes. She knew that I suffered—mentally and financially—through a year of legal proceedings... while having no money and nearly being homeless. With a brief apology, she bypassed how she hadn't offered me any aid. I wasn't expecting her to talk about that anyway. She wanted to tell me that her husband lost his job, a year ago. They faced a possible home foreclosure... also by Wells Fargo. (Karma comes around). My sister was scared and wanted to know how I got through my ordeal. I replied that I accomplished it mostly on my own, and that it's important to document/record everything. She concluded by telling me how she and Mom rented a Tennessee cabin for a vacation getaway, and how her cash income as a beautician supported their 5 dogs, 2 cats, parrot, and iguana. Getting our mother from Long Island gave my sister an excuse to visit our old home. She was horrified. Mom had a roommate, whose dog urinated all over the TV-room's carpet and destroyed the leather loveseat and the $3,000 leather vibrating reclining chair. During daytime, local repairmen saw my sister's car in the driveway and banged on the door to demand money for overdue payments. Que sera, sera. End of our call.
That night at 10:58pm, I received an unexpected email from Chris: "Dear Ken, I hope this finds you well. Firstly, I would like to apologize for the past. I was a selfish person incapable of loving someone else. I needed to go and find myself in this world. While I regret a lot of what happened, it was your care that helped me to be the person I am today. Without it, I would cease to be me. You took me in, when I was basically homeless. That I shall never forget. You gave me love when no else did, and you provided a safe life. Unfortunately, I was not receptive and needed to make mistakes. I am pleased to say that I am a better person. I am now 7 months clean and sober. It wasn't the substances to blame, but deep issues I was hiding from. I finally confronted them and am able to write this letter to you. I hope that you can forgive me for the past, for you will always be a memorable part of my life. I hope everything goes well for you, and know that whatever you choose is yours to be. I learned that holding bitter feelings towards people only eats us up internally. But after all that happened, I would not fault you for not writing back. I hope that you do, and it would be nice to be friends. We never really got to be friends. I wish you well in your ventures."
Evidently, the "stars were aligned" for tidying up updates from my past.
If I could somehow rewrite my past, I would keep Lewis, yet I would exercise more confidence to do things "outside the box", earlier in life. I'd listen to my heart and not my family, realizing that not all families are good. I'd give myself more mentors. I'd definitely want gay peers in school (maybe I needed to be born later—especially for the technology). I'd want more information and awareness about my sexuality during my formative years, to know that I was normal. I'd be ready when someone asked me out for a date—or maybe I'd be aware of signals that encouraged me to do the asking instead. I would want advice about "striking out on my own", financial smarts, and awareness of living in a city (not advice for a suburban lifestyle, vicariously living through TV, catalogs, and websites). Maybe I'd go to an urban college, or have a year abroad as an exchange student. I'd get a job in a "truly first-world" city—like I always wanted and arranged so many interviews for.
I'd want people in my life to be interested in my welfare, helping me to stay clear of abusers and debt. I'd prefer that the people whom I reached out to would actually respond and help me. I'd want friends to enrich my life, instead of leaching off of me. Good people would reach out to me, instead of only negative forces.
Metaphysically speaking, if I could redo things, I'd arrange it so that I wasn't constantly "tested" in life without reward or advancement. My successes with organizations/relationships would propel me upwards—so I wouldn't be on the outside looking in. Efforts and contributions would be rewarded. My jobs wouldn't fall out from under my feet; instead, I'd "move up the ladder" in a meritocracy and use my skills to make improvements. I'd make financial investments, so I eventually wouldn't need a job. I'd have more people with positive energy in my life. (Sure, you'll encounter negative people, but you shouldn't go through years of having only that kind, while good people—whom you reached for—fell away).
I'd make a difference in people's lives—not just make their lives possible because I didn't have one. I'd get answers to my questions, instead of silence or being told "I don't need to know". If I didn't like something in a situation, I'd be able to get away from it—not financially destitute and stuck there, as it got worse. I'd make a fine impact on the world—both through little gestures and grand "I'm there for you" deeds. That is STILL what I intend to do!
Putting it to paper, I set it to rest. I know that everything happens for a reason, and my soul was meant to pass through challenges.
A buddy re-quoted, "Sometimes, we cannot possibly know the beauty that will come from the storms we didn't know were coming, weren't ready for, or didn't want to endure. For out of those storms, our wildest dreams—and rainbows—might become a reality."
I appreciate where I am now, and “now” is all that exists. Don’t sweat the small stuff!
I appreciate where I am now, and “now” is all that exists. Don’t sweat the small stuff!
http://halfwindsorfullthrottle.blogspot.com/2017/06/my-true-story-with-wells-fargo-and-my.html
So far, I hope that my blog enlivens and encourages you. Please continue reading my other posts, on the next page! :-)
