Thursday, June 30, 2016

Inferior Madison Avenue Luxury Retail Shopping - Brand Ambassador Idiots

     Recently, I browsed within a "luxury" boutique, and a sloppy experience ensued.  Such poor branding, and an even worse shopping experience.  
     During my short time there, I overheard the store manager proudly boasting that she has no life other than the store: no relationships, no pets, no "interferences".  I'm not sure what prompted that part of the conversation, but I doubt it's the correct message to convey to your staff--especially in front of prospective clients.  Out of earshot (but closer to me), two idle sales associates commented about that manager, that her overblown dedication stems from her unpolished "country bumpkin" Arkansas origins... and her "lacking luxury" work history.  If true, how such a person got hired to manage that company's national flagship store on Manhattan's Madison Avenue is astounding.  Either way, it's unprofessional to gossip near customers.  
     Breaking up their chatter, I asked about the luggage pieces.  While an associate rattled off the "script" about the merchandise, another came around the corner and joked, "Oh my God, remember when the new CEO came in with his new suitcase because the wheel broke in half?!"  Obviously, he had spoken before seeing me.  Regardless, that's not something you mention aloud.  ("broke in half"??  What kind of low-quality are they trying to peddle?)
     Bypassing the luggage, I browsed their sportswear.  A nylon / polyurethane "fused together" shirt "had a value of" $200.00.  A "breathable" polyester shirt was priced at $140.00.  In another showcase, a stainless steel ballpoint pen cost $500.00.  I examined another collection of men's items, but the associate couldn't operate the $4,000.00 piece (which I won't mention to protect the brand).  
     I was informed of their Ladies collection.  The saleswoman brazenly vented frustration at me, describing the popularity of the initial handbag, but the company wasted the profits by designing more bags that were undesirable.  Each was "inspired by" (a knockoff of) a iconic handbag from competitors... except they had been created without any female involvement/feedback.  Hence, they were too large, too bulky, too complicated, had too few compartments, and had uncomfortable straps.  Thus, the company lost money on the unsold products.  The saleswoman further stated that instead of researching simple solutions, the company intended to discontinue the handbag collections altogether.  "They don't ask for feedback or input at Corporate," she moped.  I appreciated her honesty, but it merely highlighted an internal disaster.
     "What's your best-selling item?" I asked.  She answered that it was a type of sunglasses, which had been around for decades--without much success.  Since the company didn't do much advertising, the sunglasses had only gotten popular because a Kardashian started wearing them.
     At that moment, I became aware of a penetrating rumbling sound in the boutique.  Since the front doors were propped open (I thought the city made it illegal for retailers to keep doors open on hot days, wasting their air-conditioning to attract pedestrians), all the noise from the street flooded in.  A bus idled outside, and the echo of its motor ruined the ambiance.  An approaching siren, honking horns, and a loud passing truck added disturbance.  I'm sure the store gets dirty/dusty from the doors being open, too.  It all worked against any attempt to create a luxury shopping experience, and it seemed to repel shoppers.
     Retracing my steps to the front door, I saw a line of sales associates and customers at the cash-wrap.  Only one cash register?  No other "Point of Sale" (POS)?  That's crazy for a 2-story flagship store on Madison Ave.!  How could they design a store so poorly?  In addition, the cash-wrap counter was so small that it didn't allow room to gift-wrap (meanwhile plenty of empty space was available on the sales floor).  Curious, I observed closer.  As I suspected, the associates were trying to make an antiquated register software work faster.  At that moment, the customer at the counter leaned too hard, and the plastic countertop slid loosely!  The customer was filling out a New Client Information Form on paper.  Who uses paper anymore?  
     Suddenly, a group of men entered the store and briskly bypassed the sales associates who over-eagerly encircled the front door.  I overheard a sales associate remark, "He's another realtor.  I'm telling you that they're gonna close this location without telling us--just like they did downtown.  As if we won't notice real estate agents showing off our store!"  Another associate replied, "Are you surprised?  What kind of company would hire two salesmen and tell them that only one will survive... like it's Gladiator-type competition?  And then they fire both right before they qualify to get paid commission, after selling for 3 months."
     Hmm.
     Before leaving, I asked my saleswoman about the brand's parent company, whose name is incorporated in her company's name.  How come the parent company didn't use its marquee on the merchandise?  Surely, that would be a selling point.  "Because the parent company doesn't want anything to do with us," she answered, "They manufacture (blank to protect the innocent) with a great reputation."  Why would the profitable parent company want to stay unassociated with the retail branch?  Perhaps a difference in product integrity/operations?

     I'll say it again: good brand ambassadors are maintained by good treatment / operational activity from their company.  More than social media, customers observe the heartfelt enthusiasm and professionalism of a company's representatives.  

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Ineffectual Government

     As I formulate the narrative of Lewis and my trip to Florida, I will offer this related tidbit.
     While awaiting our (delayed) flight at La Guardia Airport (an grossly outdated/neglected place, run by a corrupt government organization, that negatively impacts a large percentage of nationwide flights), we saw on the TV News:
-the Supreme Court blocked immigration laws
-the Legislature blocked LGBT hate crime prevention laws
-the Senate blocked a ban on assault weapons.

All four instances are another "hooray" for America's ineffectual, unresponsive govt system.  Embarrassing for the foreign travelers sitting around us, who saw it all.

Monday, June 20, 2016

Opportunity Knocks

     A tired friend was offered an affordable vacation getaway.  But, she turned it down to help her lazy sister do errands.  A lonely friend rejected a "Date Night" from a handsome fellow because of her never-ending workload.  In both cases, my friends defended their choices saying, "If it's meant to happen, it will happen."
     How's it going to happen if you reject the offers?  Did you ever think that it WAS meant to happen, but because you didn't treat it well, it was revoked?  Then, you undoubtedly experience a long "dry spell" and can't figure out why.  
     Don't be afraid to use up your last vacation day.  Don't be afraid to explore a new zip code.  Things might just work out better than hoped.  I can't explain why Life likes to test peoples' faith before it answers their prayers.  But, knowing how the rules are, make smart decisions that are in your best interest.  Have some faith in Life.
     People claim that they don't have a choice.  Work came first.  Guilt-causing relatives came first.  Obligations came first.  One of the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is learning that it's okay to say No to people.  You always have a choice and can never claim otherwise.
     Another friend of mine was lonely and prayed for a good man.  His friends invited him to dinner.  Since a dinner with friends wasn't what he wanted, he rejected their offer.  He wanted to keep himself available for dates only.  Little did he fathom that the waiter during his friends' dinner would be "his type" and seeking a boyfriend.  Nor did he think of the possibility that a man across the room, at the bar, would be surveying the diners, looking longingly for a cute man to enter the restaurant.  Sometimes, you must realize that you don't know how everything will turn out, and that answers to our prayers come from unexpected sources.  
     All you have to do is accept the invitation.  Keep your mind optimistically open to all possibilities.  Be a "clearing" for events to arrive in your life.  Have courage.

See this blog post of mine for a true-life example: 

http://halfwindsorfullthrottle.blogspot.com/2014/10/west-village-nyc-dont-fear-new-path.html

Sunday, June 19, 2016

TONY Awards

     It's been a week since the TONY Awards in Manhattan.  The new musical, "Hamilton", swept up trophies and praise.  Lewis and I admired how its creator composed a sonnet as his acceptance speech.  Truly talented actors make the show successful, just as much as the novelty of having hip-hop rap music in a Broadway Show delights people (and helps "The Great White Way" show how more racially diverse it is now, compared to the Oscars).
     However, Broadway show tunes are a specific genre of music.  When you think of one--considering its vast century-long history--you think of either a toe-tapping chorus or a dramatic opus.  They are not German opera.  Neither are they Celtic songs nor Country music.  Would a Musical Theatre actor singing a typical show tune in a rap video get a trophy at the MTV Music Awards?  It probably wouldn't work in that reverse way.
     Just something to ponder.


Automatic Restroom!

     It's wise to be sanitary.  Well, most of us think so.  When it comes to public restrooms, you see lots of auto-flush urinals & toilets.  You see sensor-operating soap dispensers, sink faucets, and hand-dryers.  You see sensor-activated lights, when you enter (to be energy-conscious).  Why hasn't somebody introduced automatic restroom doors?  Do you know how many people don't wash their hands after using the restroom?  Or how long germs linger on a doorknob?  Regardless, it always struck me as silly to have so much automation within a restroom but fail to have an automatic door (like a frosted glass version of the kind you see at supermarkets).  Big hotels and high-end eateries can afford it; they have heated toilets for crying out loud.  
     You avoid touching things all around the inside of the public restroom, only to touch a dirty door before you leave.  That defeats the whole purpose!  At least make sure all restroom doors "push" outward, so you can use your shoulder to open the door without touching it.  It's even nicer when places use a bent corridor, instead of a door at all.  I'd like to see an auto-doorway in the next "modern" building... to match its restroom's other auto-accessories.  That just makes sense.



Harley Davidson

Holding 55% of the marketshare, Harley Davidson is America's premiere motorcycle maker.  

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it" is their motto.  Just like an old-fashioned pickle maker!  As such, they've outperformed America's Big Three auto makers, over and over again.  
How?  Two ways: 
1). They don't cheapen their product or processes. 
2). They don't discard a winning "look"--just because it's old, in favor of something inferior--just because it's new (like the Big 3 do).


Compare the 1936 model, above, with last year's model of the Softail Slim, seen below...


Or compare the 1942 model, below...


with the 2014 Softail Deluxe, below...


or the 2016 touring Road King

Harley maintained their streamlined appearance, materials, body, contours, and styling.  Over 80 years!  Despite the infusion of plastics, crumple zones, and cheaper ideals.  Ergo, they maintained their loyal customer following, profits, and marketshare.   
     Now, in comparison, see how Buick disintegrated over the same time period.  Always owned by General Motors, it was once a grand automobile to drive.  Unlike Harley's--which are still esteemed--Buick fell so far that to have one was to label yourself as an elderly person or a dud.  Now, it's costing Buick tremendous advertising to disprove the public opinion of their cars.  Imagine if Buick had never lost the great styling from their heyday?

1940

1948

1951

1956

American car makers cheapened their products in the 1950's, ladening them with chrome to hide the cheapening innards.  Greedily (and because upper management wasted profits), Buick began "shaving off" style from its cars, after the 50s, to cheapen the cost.  As everything in America should've been improving with time, cars fell apart.  In essence, they didn't care.

1962

1969

1980

1985

1993

2005

     How can a country claim to be great, if it produces such "watered down" crap?  Harley Davidson doesn't have that problem.  
     Which is the winning "look"?


Thursday, June 16, 2016

Another Emotional Day? How Gay Culture Can Gain Acceptance

Not surprising, gay individuals erupted in emotion, after the mass shooting at a gay nightclub in Orlando, FL.  Agreeing with the TV cast of "The View", such fervor will be short-lived in America--without any progressive consequences.  Americans don't follow through to get changes made for the betterment of their society.  Law-makers expect that.  A French friend of mine calls America a land of lazy arm-chair slobs, easily distracted from important issues by internet porn, so-called "professional" sports, and TV "reality" shows.

     In the gay community, folks have no shame in making that murderous tragedy all about themselves, instead of the victims.  They want attention/praise for their sentiments.  With Pride Weekend approaching, they use the tragedy as an excuse to keep partying as if nothing happened.  "We're gonna party hard to show the world that we're not going to be stopped."  I'm sure they were going to party hard anyway, so why make the excuse?  I'm certain that bar/club owners, promoters, and developers are in full greedy agreement... while they merely Tweet their prayers/concerns for the fallen.  How about if they gave half of their proceeds/profits to the cause?  That would be better!

     An acquaintance of mine posted the following statements on Facebook.  My interpretation is in parenthesis.  

"Another emotional day, for sure... Still trying to understand it all"
(you're clueless and don't usually concern yourself with reality, world events, or the existence of others outside your clique)
"and trying to figure out what to do to help."
(you'll do nothing)
"Cannot wait for Chicago Gay Pride, this coming weekend"
(back to your priorities: to party hard like nothing happened)
"to continue to stand together and show this hate that nothing keeps us down!"
(an excuse to party/strip/seduce/substance abuse)
"Let's go celebrate being who we want to be, regardless of what people think!"
(that sounds like a spoiled bratty child... like the T-shirt worn below: "I'm perfect.  You change").



     The Pride movement doesn't say to do whatever you want, while ignoring others.  It says to be authentic.  You're not authentic if you've layered yourself with falsities.  Being homosexual is NOT a "Get Out of Jail Free" card, so you can behave as outlandishly as you want without responsibility.  It's almost as if some gay guys don't want to be mature; they want to keep acting whimsical, untamed, and teenage.




     Maybe they truly want a "Paris Hilton/Justin Bieber" lifestyle (since it's glamorized, like MTV's slogan "money for nothing and the checks for free").  Maybe they want to mimic characters from the film "Party Monster".  
     But, that behavior merely makes the gay community look stereotypical... as it was portrayed in the 1950s as a sex-crazed unsafe world of uncontrollable debauchery.  As I previously blogged, the gay culture's tolerance and encouragement of unsafe sex is not helping.  What you see when you go online and look up a "gay bar" or "gay film" doesn't help either.  The results are always slutty.  Pride flags on a beach or restaurant signify a safe haven, but they now simultaneously seem to keep out everyone else.  That's not going to foster "inclusion" or acceptance from the rest of the world.
     Aside from LGBT events or performing arts, how many gay guys want to "give back" to the community?  Volunteer?  Soup kitchens?  Meals-On-Wheels?  Civic policy?  Park clean-up?  Youth mentorships?  Of course, nobody wants to be in a "rat race", but presenting a good face to the community--that you want acceptance/support from--is important.  See my blog entry about Chelsea, NY to realize how often the opposite attitude is shown by gay men.  

     Like a Barbie doll, maybe it gets too much encouragement.



     Seen above, Timmy is a go-go boy at NYC gay bars... often requested/chauffeured to Fire Island and SoHo House parties.  People who know him--including his dry cleaner, Uber drivers, and coffee barista--said this about him:
"He's a great person.  Always full of sunshine."
"Happy, crazy, and wild."
"His energy is incredible."
"He's hilarious."
"A pain in the ass drama queen."
"Gorgeous, funny."
"So carefree and fabulous."
"dreamy"
"Crazy because he does whatever he wants; he doesn't care."
"He inspires me!"

     Well, when you lead his lifestyle, you might naturally (temporarily) impress people around you (who don't need to rely on you)--during your spare time--who live vicariously through you to feel better.  However, it's thought-provoking that they like Timmy because he does whatever he wants, without caring.  He's not saving the rainforests; he's merely partying all of the time.

     Another long-standing "twink" in Chelsea recently admitted online, "It wasn't until recently when I started making a conscious effort to remember people's names and say it back to them during conversation that I realized I was being a lazy butthole.  When I meet someone new and they remember my name, it's like they understand and value my humanity.  That feels radical.  They are identifying the fact that I have a separate life from them.  There is really no excuse besides excessive alcohol consumption for not making more of an effort to look someone in the eyes when you meet them and remember their names as best you can.  And really, being drunk is a shit excuse for not fully respecting people."
     A grown man in his early 30s is barely recognizing his own social behavior... despite being center of social attention for years in NYC.

     Regarding the shooting, instead of gratifying themselves, how many gay guys will organize a rally/protest to government officials?  How many will use their "connections" to get media coverage?  Or push hard to investigate our gun laws?  Or start offering education to the public and gay youth?  Or create a fundraiser (even a go-fund-me profile) for victims' loved ones?  Maybe instead of letting Pride Parades and parties resemble HustlaBall or the Folsom Street Fair, they can be educational/inspirational.  The gay community has worked hard to show the world that it's horny.  How will it demonstrate something else?

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

How Did This Tragedy Happen?

A friend of mine shared this online, regarding the recent mass murder shooting--involving military-grade assault weapons (that our congressmen & senators condone, against public wishes, because they want to please the NRA) at a gay bar in Orlando, FL.  Here are some good points!

     Omar Mateen's hate was born & bred in America.  How?  
2 weeks ago, America called trans-women "child predators", during a public restroom debate.  1 year ago, America said that gay marriages shouldn't be legal / recognized.  6 years ago, America said that homosexuals couldn't sacrifice their life for their country in military service.  10 years ago, America said that LGBT individuals didn't deserve job protections.  13 years ago, it took the legal case of Lawrence vs. Texas to decriminalize our sex lives!  18 years ago, America took Matthew Sheppard.  36 years ago, the American government began its 5 Years of (unhelpful) Silence, as tens of thousands of gay taxpaying men were massacred by the AIDS virus.  43 years ago, homosexuality was still officially considered a mental disorder by the American medical community.  47 years ago, the self-defense riots at Stonewall began.  For centuries, America bred homophobia into our history, into our schools, and into the very fabric of our society.  Omar Mateen was the product of American hate and "continued ignorance".  America taught him that... and even sold him the gun to do it.

     We shouldn't be surprised.  America, the self-professed "Land of the Free" (that wants to tell the rest of the globe what to do) was one of the last nations to abolish slavery.  It certainly wasn't prompt to treat Women's Rights equally, nor so with Minority Rights or LGBT Rights.  It had its own concentration camps during WWII.  Puerto Rico will never become a State--despite its people's wishes--because that would "mess up" the arrangement of stars on our historic American flag.  Only the Native American Indians were treated worse by our federal govt.  Our medical coverage, # of vacation days, transportation infrastructure, air & automobile industries, value of college tuition, and student test scores fall miserably behind almost every other industrialized nation.  America is only great at imposing & collecting taxes from its middle class.  Ironically, that is something which its birth--the Revolution--was supposed to break away from.   

Once again, it can be said... (see this 4min video):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTjMqda19wk

Friday, June 10, 2016

Reusing Historical Places

I think it is simply excellent that the City Council of Budapest saved this baroque palace...



(built for Count Wenckheim 1842 - 1912) 



...as a public space--instead of as something like an embassy, that few people could enjoy.  It is now the city's central library!  Its two ballrooms and dining room are the reading rooms.  How could a youngster not be wide-eyed, as they discover literature?  How could your imagination not stir, while taking a study break?  How could you not appreciate the craftsmanship detailing and exuberance of style all around you, while you read books?  








Such an uplifting experience.









     Perhaps it's because Budapest culture has always deemed it important to have grand spaces for the public to enjoy, like the Boscolo Hotel (seen below).






Many places in Budapest are cozily elegant.








Preservation of things to keep them relevant is so important!

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Advice : You Would Assume That Gay Kids & Youth Have It Easier

     Friends of ours started using a new hair stylist.  The trendy stylist is a divorced mom with a son in Middle School.  She senses that her son is gay and suspects that he will "come out of the closet" soon.  (I hope that homosexuals won't have to use that expression "coming out" much longer; they'll just "come of age" as normally as heterosexuals).  I shared my own "coming out" experiences with her, and my experiences as a mentor.  I never brag about the people I know, but I'm proud that I was a mentor to gay youth, as well as older men.  
     The stylist said that my advice was so good that I should share it. 


Here it is:

     First of all, gay kids have it easier nowadays.  That should be explained to them and not taken for granted.  Homosexuality was only decriminalized in America in 2009, which was long overdue, as compared to the Netherlands, Denmark, or the United Kingdom.  Imagine living in a time when being gay was illegal.  Just like the American Revolution or Racial Equality Movement, Gay Rights was a social upheaval... that American authorities fought against.










     Sexual Equality has endured hiccups of allowance or restriction... ever since the ancient Greeks and Chinese...




...through to the recent Marriage Equality movement.  



     Gaining traction in the 1950s via a group called The Temperamentals, Gay Rights finally erupted during the 1969 Stonewall Riot in Manhattan, when gay men finally fought back against physical abuse & rights infringement carried out by the corrupt NYPD.   
     Alas, being attracted to the same sex still carries a negative stigma, meanwhile vices are considered "acceptable".  Those are hypocritical double-standards.






     Thanks to more public education & awareness, people are more understanding.  Love flows more freely.  



     Homosexuality even has its own flag!  The rainbow icon also signifies gay-friendly areas, stores, restaurants, and communities.











However, a caveat is that LGBT-marked areas (and gay bars) simultaneously seem to keep out everyone else.  That's not going to help "inclusion" or acceptance from the rest of the world.
     Rainbows annouce Pride events, too.  Pride parades began as ways to triumphantly announce homosexuality as mainstream.  



     Sadly, in America, they degenerated into frat-party shenanigans and debauchery of exhibitionistically waving your ass and penis at strangers in public.  They don't accomplish anything.



At least Brazilian Carnival parades have amazing floats and costumes!  So do the Pride Canal Parades of Amsterdam!




     In today's society, an openly gay kid at school is practically a celebrity, as schools clamor to show how "well-rounded & diverse" they are.  Similar "championing" happens for same-sex parents trying to get their adopted/surrogate children into schools' admission processes.



As the novelty wears off, I'm not sure how much longer those phenomenons will continue.


     A few years ago, "coming out" announcements from Olympic divers, soldiers overseas, and professional athletes got top-level media coverage.  



     If a CEO admitted to being gay, he was able to sell books about it.  This year, Joel Grey, an elderly Broadway star who played a flamboyant deviant in the 1972 musical, Cabaret, announced he was gay.  (As if we hadn't known).  "Coming out" videos are popular on social media and YouTube--especially for adolescents.  I think that's because their generation likes sharing practically everything online for public consumption.  

     Even the most reclusive gay youth can learn about nearly everything via handheld devices with internet access.  Many videos and blogs are made my teens themselves to explain, educate, and discuss pubertal urges, safe sex, and How-To's.




     Nevertheless, parents should facilitate their child's arrival of awareness about who they are...




     Simultaneously, parents ought to point out that labels aren't important.  You don't say "female doctor", and you oughtn't say "gay wedding": it's just "doctor" and "wedding".

     Gay individuals don't need to pretend to be "straight" before they can be themselves.  Whether in El Salvador, Bangkok, the Netherlands, the Philippines, or the suburbs of Ohio, young gay folks can be themselves right away.  No "pretending", "posing", or "hiding".  

     "Public displays of affection" are finally permissible, too.



     It is much easier to learn about being attracted to the same sex, as opposed to when I was in High School.  In truth, it must be a cornucopia for gay boys!  (Statistically, they're still in the minority.  So, for each school, they have the "playing field" to themselves).  


     Knowing how males are, an openly (or even closeted) gay boy might have a treasure trove of experiences before college.  


Now that society isn't as afraid of homosexuals, boys who are bi-curious or "heterosexually gay-for-play" might not be scared of intimacy with a gay one.  They might consider it as enjoyable as "exploring" with girls.  Girls might not enjoy the competition, though.


With the slutty reputation that gay culture allows/creates, boys might "expect" it from their gay pals.  




Look up "gay bar" on Yelp.com or "gay film" on Netflix to see how much sex is associated with "gay".  It's not the best reputation.


     Aside from stressing about prom, student clubs, popularity, sports tryouts, bullying, grades, or auditioning for Musical Theatre, gay boys might fall prey to the new epidemic of "body shaming" that Gay Culture encourages.  


     Sure, everyone likes attractive bodies and wants to be healthy.  But, since the 1990s, there has been a surge of fixation on physicality.  If you look at the TV show "Saved By the Bell" (ended 1992) only one boy had a sixpack of abs.  Look at current teen & tween TV, and everybody does... and needs to show them off during every episode.





     Such a mere focus on physicality--without care for what's inside a person--is lopsided.  It cheapens a soul and a hurts a person's sense of self-worth.  People shouldn't feel incomplete without a model-like physique.  



They shouldn't feel pressured to have surgery or steroids to mask/alter themselves--just to gain attention.  




     It's as if the "Barbie" adoration that modern women fought against (awareness of eating disorders/anorexia, the realization that models in advertisements are digitalized and air-brushed) has been picked up by the gay community.  As early as a pre-teen, a muscled physique and slutty persona is sought after.  

     Yes, it might be like the ancient Greek admiration of bodily glory.  But, it's the air of superiority/exclusion that the gay community hinges on the "way you look", that makes it harmful.  It's as bad as the "popular kids" snubbing you because you didn't fit in.  Straight men don't have the same level of peer pressure to physically fit in: just look at them.  

     Speaking of "conforming to fit in", gay boys shouldn't feel compelled to behave or dress like a stereotypical homosexual.  That's insane.
     Should there be a "look" that men "need" to identify as gay?  No.  Ideally, the question, below, shouldn't exist! 



After all, you can't draw a stereotypical "black" person!  You can't stereotypically describe a person from Tennessee or Sweden!  This is something created by gay culture/behavior that shouldn't be there.

     Walking down the city street, you can often tell that a guy is gay because he's wearing the "prescribed" outfit: short shorts and body-hugging T-shirts or tight tank-tops.  Many have the same haircut, hand gestures, body stances, facial expressions, vocal tone, and mannerisms.  If you enter a gay bar, 95% of the men will be wearing one nearly-identical look.  Hmm.  That doesn't seem fitting for a statistically "creative" bunch of men who supposedly desire individuality from the rest of the world.  ???

     Why show so much skin?  That's because gay men grew to merely rate each other on the size of 3 things: muscles, wallets, and "assets in their pants".  Watch it happen at gay bars.  It's nearly instantaneous, without much thought.  It's encouraged by modern technology, like this...  




     Outfits showcase those 3 things.  Who wears anything nice during summertime anymore?  Sadly, the tank-top/shorts outfit is used for practically everything: gym, rolling out of bed, brunch, dinner, Happy Hour, biking in the park, house parties, quickies, or lounging at home.  



     How gay men looked wasn't always like this.  In the 1980s, a typical gay guy looked like the guy below; earrings, a perky smile, and colored/styled hair were the only telltales.  





     Nowadays, gay men feel the need to resemble the newest trend (heightening the popularity of Latin, Middle Eastern, & Mediterranean men): facial scruff, rugged looks, tan skin, and extra-defined musculature... 





     The latest "look" makes it harder to guess if a guy is gay or straight by appearance... until he speaks or swishes, 



or behaves like in this video of a typical scene on Fire Island:

https://www.facebook.com/827012/videos/vb.827012/10104978369689039/?type=3&theater

*Click here to learn more about Fire Island: https://halfwindsorfullthrottle.blogspot.com/2015/07/the-allure-of-fire-island-but-beware.html

     Even these well-known TV personalities recently got plumped-up/pumped-up to receive more attention.







     By appearance, many want to look like jocks (who lisp and dangle their wrists).  Modern solutions like whey protein, steroids, implants, and muscle growth hormones produced instant Adonis-like bodies (or plumped-up-breasted chickens), which the gay "shirts off" culture demands.

     Today's culture of selfie-taking / online-posting narcissists (who can't resist a cellphone camera, as seen below)...


...created a land that is full of botox, lip injections, spray tans, laser hair removal, calf implants, liposuction, hair plugs, artificial muscle, teeth bleaching, and epidermis abrasion.


Forget about just needing braces!  Be careful of what you desire in order to express yourself, as opposed to what popular culture wants to dress you as.  

     My best advice for individuality and "a look": Be yourself and invite people into your life who don't always look or act like you.  You might find they challenge your assumptions and make you grow.  You will learn more from people with different viewpoints.

     What does it mean to be gay?  Do you have to behave feminine?  Must you pronounce your words in a high pitch with a lisp?  Do you have to wear oversize sunglasses like the Kardashians?  Must you know the latest fashion labels and Beyonce lyrics?  Which is better: facial scruff or glitter lip gloss?  Can you just behave like yourself?


     It shouldn't be so hard to be homosexual.  It's no surprise that boys look online and via artificial simulations to learn what to do.  Click here for my informative blog post about the peer-pressured speech pattern for gays:



      Remember when you wanted to learn how to kiss, or ask someone on a date, or what was involved in sex?  Thanks to computerized video games, blogs, Tumblr pages, Grindr, Wikipedia, and online pornography... awareness & education can be at your fingertips.  It will happen long before a haphazard Health teacher or Youth Leader fumbles through a speech about it.  



     I recommend that boys use Gay Hotlines, free clinics, LGBT Centers, and educational events to learn about themselves and their sexual orientation.  In doing so--and via online networking--they may find other mentors or "adopted family" (in case theirs is unresponsive or has ousted them).



     I advise guys to research as much as possible from several sources (even if it's all on the internet).  Gone are the days of having to poke around seedy sex shops or X-rated video stores, in order to gain knowledge.  (I avoided those experiences).  Online, guys learn about lubes & sex toys, in advance of having to purchase them.







     At the turn-of-the-century, there was only "artwork", or intimate books like Lady Chatterly's Lover.








     There are now "virtual games" that allow you to learn sexual positions, flirting techniques, how to overcome objections, posturing during group sex, fetishes, and stamina-strenghtening maneuvers.  A plethora of knowledge... before you even get your fingers wet.





In some games, you interact with characters controlled remotely by other people.





     From the privacy/convenience of their own laptop or cellphone, pubescent boys (or anyone) can learn at their own speed.  Personally, I've never used them, but it's important to know what's out there.  Don't get attached to a virtual world, in lieu of reality.



     Depending on their personal nature, guys will treat sexual relations as a "connection" with someone, or a "trophy game"...



     Tip: Despite all the fun, guys ought to be open-minded.  A "bottom" doesn't always have to be effeminate or whimper, while the "top" (who usually talks with lisp) suddenly needs to growl with machismo.  (It's funny how the lisp--which men claim isn't fake--disappears during sex).  You don't have to imitate porn characters to be great lovers.


     A side effect might be people's openness to interact with varied races, ethnicities, religions, ages, body types & creeds.  I certainly advise people to seek interaction outside of their own demographic and racial circle.  The world is getting smaller, yet it's full of variety.  Magic can be found by mixing energy...



(just like opera bass-baritone, Eric Owens, jiving with a jazz orchestra to perform "Fugue in C Minor"!)

     Speaking of handheld cellular devices, people will connect with lovers differently than non-internet dating.  





Gone are the days of "speed dating" events.  Websites/phone apps are safer/cheaper than going to bars or late-night "cruising destinations" to meet men.  You communicate beforehand, and you can see "everything" about them (so there are no surprises if it gets physical)... all from the safety of your own space.  





You can leave messages back-and-forth to facilitate "getting to know you" chatter, even when your schedules differ.  Thus, communication is more direct--hopefully not merely curtly sexual.





     Tip: be considerate.  It's offensive to be in the middle of messaging someone... then ignore them for an hour, or suddenly leave the conversation.  If you have to stop responding, simply say, "Hey, I gotta go", just as if you were on the phone or in front of them.  Treat people like souls, not a convenience.  Don't assume that if you're rude, plenty of others will be waiting of you.  That'll be your own karma at some point.  It's insulting to hear, "I fell asleep", "I got distracted watching this movie", or "I forgot to reply".  
     Tip: Be less judgmental; give guys a fair chance.  When you look at a person, remember that everyone has a story.  Everyone has gone through something that has changed them and forced them to grow.  Every passing face represents a story.  If you give them a chance, most men have something amazing to offer.  Appreciate the possibility of something new.  Be patient.  Be ready to learn & grow your mind/perspectives/comfort zones.  Be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever.
     Tip: Don't be a "doormat" either.  Above all, be safe.  Despite the deterioration of safe sex focus (see my entry about Broadway Bares)--and new Prep products against HIV, I urge you to play safely.  If a guy claims to only have safe sex yet admits to occasionally orgasming inside someone without a condom, that's not safe.  If you choose to attend a sex party, avoid ones that allow both safe & unsafe (raw / bareback) sex.  Sexually transmitted diseases aren't all stopped by condoms.  The custom of oral sex usually avoids condoms (to supposedly avoid offending), but it's your choice.  Otherwise, you might as well have sex like this (not knowing what you're allowing into your body):



     Phone apps or online "networking"/"hook up" websites allow guys to find gay counterparts based on location, proximity, or preferences.  Thus, you gain access to guys who might not otherwise spend time at bars or nightclubs.  Sure, you can use it to arrange a "quickie" while you're jogging or traveling.  Ideally, they enable you to get acquainted without having to loiter at public places... or if your area doesn't have a Gayborhood.  



     Next, you decipher the other guy.  Some guys are "gay for pay" or "gay for play".



     With more boys being "out & proud" in their teenage years, they experience "first kisses", Valentine's Day, first date jitters, and "having crushes" in normal ways--not just in the shadows.



     5 years ago, when Lewis and I began dating, we were only comfortable kissing or holding hands in public within the secure atmospheres of gay bars (bouncers at the door).  Now, two boys can share a romantic dinner almost anywhere in New York City and be perfectly at ease--without prying stares, admonishing glares, servers spitting on their food, being refused service, or being heckled on the street. 



    Tip: we occupy a world of "bathroom mirror" selfies, which are shared, texted, and posted online.  Thus, how a lad wants to advertise himself will attract different experiences...


Lewis' former coworker spent lunch breaks using his iPhone to locate sex playmates in the nearby park.  That's not the safest method, since you can only rely on their promise to be clean of any sexually-transmitted diseases.



     It's part of modern life to find "quickies" online.  Learn about browsing techniques, warning signs to be aware of, phrases that indicate something is awry, exploratory questions to reveal things, strategy, choosing meeting places, and what to be open to.  
     It might be an improvement from when men had to... 


$$$$

     There's no right/wrong; it's sort of the "luck of the draw".  Such websites/phone apps might prevent young Billy from "cruising" public restroom toilets at malls or truck stops... 
but it might entice him to parTying practices with "ballers"...



...or he might have the best sex of his life (which might never have happened if he had merely lingered at the local coffeeshop).  

     The internet will connect sub-cultures within the gay community: bears, twinks, daddies, fetishes, orgies, leather.

It still lures people to gay bars...



gay clubs...



gay vacation getaways (as Timmy advertises, below), 



and gay cruises.



Sex sells all of it.  


     Tip: Cute young men are often "baited" (and yes sometimes "bated") to make places look pretty; they are bait for other fi$h.


     If you find your son/nephew...



in continuous photographs--like he's a trophy--with notorious club promoters like NYC's Mr. Cohen, 



or "recruiters" like Mr. Tate,



or "event planners" like these men...








he didn't get there based on his virtue.  "People users" like such men only appreciate guys who "plunge deep" into their clients' lifestyles or "put out a spread" after the party.  It's a dark--and unpublished--world.  Sure, being admitted free to the hottest events across the country/world while coveted as a "center of attention" seems unbeatable... 



but it's very risky.  Some young men have managed it for several years--never falling from that surfboard of popularity... so I can't say that it doesn't work.  But the risks often outweigh the promised benefits.  Years ago, men--who didn't want a typical life--clung to such prospects (to be immersed in a gay partying lifestyle).  Now, the internet provides plenty of connections, so men can avoid such traps.



     Alas, a newly-minted "young gay" will probably fall "head over heels" for being fawned over within such physically-attractive environments.









     If he really gets into the ongoing Gay Party lifestyle, he'll be "in play" with globe-trotting, high-income divas.  For them, Life is a huge playground of disposable playmates and a never-ending quest to "be noticed". 




     Tip: Society has raised a new generation of rude guys with manners, expectations, values, morals, tendencies, sex drives, body awareness, regard for disposable people, carelessness, and desires for instant gratification... 



and unleashed them upon the hyperactive global gay scene.



Maybe they should heed some ancient wisdom:



     Maybe, instead of predominantly scheduling hedonistic parties, guys with disposable time/income could "better" the world...



     Perhaps, they could inspire the world with their creativity, fortitude, grooming, work talents, balance of strength & sensitivity, comfortablitity with a feminine side, fearlessness in dressing with aplomb, and flair for entertaining.  






Wouldn't that be better than the stereotypical snarkiness, squeals, limp wrist, diva attitudes, or false hysterics as if every petty thing was drama?  


     Now we get to the discussion of the widely-accepted "gay scene".  
     Even on television, gay men are made fun of for shirking the normal spelling of names.  It's not Tom; it's Thome.  It's not Steve; it's Stefan.  It's not Mark; it's Marqc.  Maybe that comes from a fear of being ordinary... hence the outfits and hairstyles.
     When you envision the gay scene, you naturally think of slim-fitting, revealing, trendy apparel and cool detachment...



...or you think of colorful lipstick, dyed hair, jewelry, and shirts that accentuate the chest...



A friend commented that you can spot a gay man if he has a perky twinkle in his eyes/smile.  



     Making themselves easier to identify, many gay men gesture and speak with an overuse of stuff featured in the 2014 movie, "Do I Sound Gay" (the phenomenon where gay men around the world all suspiciously adopt the same "gay" way of speaking/annunciating--despite all their separate native languages & dialects).




     Gay men should just admit that they contort the way they speak to "fit in" or "identify as gay".  It's the truth; they didn't grow up speaking like that.  
     Tip: Don't feel compelled to speak in that way, in order to identify as gay.  After all, "coming out" is often about getting away from longstanding lies to others!  Don't pretend to be something you're not in a new way.  If someone says that you don't "sound" gay, they are an idiot.  That brings up a strong point.  For their Gay Rights, men didn't want to hide anymore under false veneers of heterosexuality, so why now hide under false veneers of stereotypical homosexuality?

     Unfortunately, to gain access to the typical "gay scene", men conform and lose their individuality.  You'd think that a group of people coming from years of torment and discrimination...


...would openly welcome diversity from any member.  The fact that they're actually judgey and choosey is ridiculous!



     Sadly, if you don't walk/talk like the typical gay guy or possess a stereotypical gay "look", then they don't LOOK at you (often insulating themselves on their cellphones).



     Why does my slim friend, Ethan...



...enjoy more popularity than another skinny friend of mine? 



In absence of the required muscles, Ethan mastered the art of "behaving gay", in order to fit in.  Totally different than the way he acted/sounded/dressed before college, he now sacrifices his own way of being.  His haircut, way of talking, pitch of voice, choice of words (overuse of "gurl"), hand gestures, way of standing, 


way of walking, "hair flip" head movements, way of holding a bag, choice of "man bags", choice of designer labels, choice of bars, quantity of alcohol consumed, sex life bragging, and "type" that he goes on dates with... is all done in the prescribed fashion.  It sounds so Victorian.
     In doing so, he enjoys more popularity, connections, networking, job references, party invitations, access to sex partners, and "privileges": recognition by go-go boy dancers, admittance to events, a bed on Fire Island, and a bed at P-Town.  My other friend won't get any of that.  Yet--when sullen drunk--Ethan admits to still feeling empty.  Therefore, is Ethan really succeeding?



     Just like rent prices, it's especially harsh in NYC because this city is a gay mecca... but also a cocoon.  Recently, an acquaintance of mine--a popular DJ--moved to California.  Whilst in NYC, his mere shirtless Facebook pictures got 187 likes and 72 comments, each time.  For no real reason.  Now, in CA, they're practically unnoticed.  He's just another guy.  
     My athletic friend, Ryan, recently complained that someone created a fake Facebook page, using his images!  It already has 3,257 followers!  The followers merely fixated on physical looks, with no interest in anything else.  That's why Ethan hides himself under a reinvented masquerade: to gain acceptance/popularity.  That's why my other friend--who stays true to himself--deals with less interest from majority of gay men.  
     That social phenomenon should change.  I always advise people to be their true selves.  Life will reward you with people that you really want to be with.  


     When heterosexual men socialize, their group includes all body types.  Yet, famous gay hangouts like Provincetown have specific weeks aimed at hosting only certain types of gay men, based on body-type!  Imagine Martha's Vineyard or Santa Monica specifying weeks for certain body-types!  I repeatedly advise people to stay true to themselves; false layers are never good feng shui.



     The realm of Drag Queens only exists in gay male culture.  Some friends of mine are UH-MAZING at it.


But, you should never feel compelled to adopt it if you don't want it.  Guys irrationally think that they need to wear high heels to identify as gay.  See my entry prior about Fire Island and count them in the pictures:

http://halfwindsorfullthrottle.blogspot.com/2015/07/the-allure-of-fire-island-but-beware.html 



That is not part of being gay.  



     Being gay just means that you like same-sex intimacy.  That's all.  There is no "way" to look, sound, or act.  
     Excluding people because of their age or weight is also ridiculous.  


If the men above wouldn't be welcome at a bar or party--purely based on their physical appearance--then you should re-assess yourself being at those places.  
     What is inside a person so much more important!  New generations of gay guys need to remember that.  In lieu of the "fast track" of sex partners maintained by most men (sometimes pushing away good soulmates), a lot can be learned from older couples.  They are probably helpful mentors, too.



Yet, how many older couples feel comfortable/welcome at popular gay bars?  Not many.

     Tip: If men behave better--with open minds and hearts--then comments about "jaded rude NY gay men" will cease:


     Above all, the best advice I can offer is:
-Keep things in perspective, instead of "drama of minutia". 
-Remain self-conscious. 
-Have creative expression and willpower; don't just conform.
-Maintain your integrity.
-Find inspiration that comes naturally.
-Tap into wisdom and common-sense.
-Apply yourself in selfless service to helping someone else.
-Be reliable and punctual.
-Be gentle and show kindness--even to the people whom others think "don't matter".
-Appreciate artists and the performing arts.
-Stay optimistic.
-Have mastery of your desires.
-Be devoted to those who love you unconditionally.
-Radiate warmth, authority, personal power, and humor.
-Laugh daily.
-Exercise forgiveness, empathy, compassion, and peace.
-Accept others for who they are.
-Maintain balance, harmony, and moderation in your life.
-Have an openness to things, cultures, and methods.
-It's okay to be still sometimes; don't plan every moment to be full of over-stimulation.
-Maintain your good health and peace of mind.
-Have courage to do things, accept things, and explore.
-Keep your imagination bright.

      If a gentleman can keep true to himself, be open-minded to new experiences, resist peer pressure for things that don't make sense, and bravely follow his heart... he has a chance at a great future!