I still recall the crisp autumn air at Alfred
University. The refreshing
coolness was associated with a heightened activity for each new school year with
new opportunities. Here is a photo of me during my first year; I was thrilled with AU.
AU was founded in 1836, and it is named for King Alfred the Great of England. As a fan of education, he ruled the Anglo-Saxons from 871 to 899. His statue was situated prominently, and the school's colors are a regal purple and gold. King Alfred unified Wessex with the kingdoms of Sussex, Kent, and West Mercia into a new Kingdom of England. In essence, England was its own United Kingdom at that time. As a member of the House of Wessex, his emblem was a winged two-legged wyvern, which is still used in Wessex, England.
The school had its own castle, too, which I'll show you later. Sports teams used the mascot of the Saxons.
Before I graduated from high school, I researched universities that were away-from-home. I did that without any help from my unhelpful parents. On my own, I arranged several campus visits in New York State and regions of New England. When my father refused to drive us (or put "unnecessary mileage" on any of our cars), I coerced my mother to rent a car—that I paid for and drove. Despite that drama, I remained composed during my interviews and impressed every Admissions Counselor and Campus Recruiter who met me.
I desired a small professor/student ratio. AU was in the Top 30 business schools in US World News & Reports. It had several new buildings, and it built another during my education. It had a surprisingly well-rounded, well-stocked atmosphere. AU's recruiter in my region, Tom Attanasio, instantly knew that I would be a good match with AU. After our interview, he highly recommended me. My acceptance letter made me jubilant. "Your superior academic achievement and the quality of your supportive recommendations strongly suggest that you will be successful here." Truer words were never spoken.
Tuition was pricey at $26,000 per year, when I began in 1995. Freshmen were required to live on campus, and the cost of "room and board" was an additional $10,000. (I definitely ate three complete meals per day). As an ongoing ripoff in America, textbook costs rise higher and higher, each year! Consumer prices grow at 3%, while textbooks prices rose by 1,041%! I researched and won as many grants as I could. I earned a scholarship that fewer than 10% of students qualified for! I got a job working for the Admissions Office as a Campus Tour Guide... and I loved it.
The Admissions building was a renovated Greek Revival chapel from 1852 named Alumni Hall. It was the first building that I entered.
The university is nestled near the historic Village of Alfred in a valley of the Allegheny Mountains. It is idyllic countryside.
The parklike campus had leafy lanes, flowerbeds, groves of pine trees, a burbling creek, hilly inclines, and fresh air.
Little did I know that I’d scoop up so much culture in my four years. I experienced so much and met so many individuals... as opposed to pupils who merely passed through the halls for their degree and didn’t absorb any of the greater things.
Each morning was active with students crisscrossing the campus—each with their own individual missions of the
day. The Engineering students,
laptops in hand, heading to the labs.
Jocks strutting down the paths, determined to wear cargo shorts until winter.
Theatre majors performing in public, as if “life were a stage”. Sitting in “their wing” of the Powell
Dining Room and finding yourself amidst an ongoing comedy or tragedy.
A group that was nicknamed the
“Druids”: art students who wore hooded capes and feathered
hats.
The ever-changing, multi-colored
hairdos of some Fine Art majors.
Ben Link wearing his colorful bow ties, as he waved to you from behind
the window of the campus radio station.
I remember the day that I drove
seven hours and 342 miles to visit the campus, I recall that the Village of Alfred's Main Street was so
short that if you blinked, you drove through it!
The village is between AU and Alfred State College, which was on the opposite hillside, as seen below.
My four years at Alfred gave a "small town USA" experience. Founded in 1808, the village was quaint and properly cared-for, and the population of 3,000 villagers were quite pleasant. I admired the Victorian-era architecture, and it made my errands (always by walking) really nice. Unlike suburbia, it was walkable and easy for people to get to the shops.
The nearest supermarket required a 20-minute drive, so folks relied on the grocery store located on Mill Street. Highlights included farm-fresh veggies, locally-sourced maple syrup, small-batch cider, and handmade chocolates.
It was such a small town that everybody knew what everybody did. I knew all of the gossip and local news from my hair stylist (at Hair Care on Main Street).
I remember my delight in finding out that I was going to enjoy my freshman
year in the residence hall of my first choosing: Openhym. According
to AU students at the alumni-hosted send-off party on Long Island, it was the coolest dormitory. It was also the largest:
two levels of girls and one of guys.
Openhymers formed a less-supervised camaraderie—since it was
apart from the other freshmen residence halls. It had an air of
importance because it was near the Senior-Year apartments.
There was exhilaration as I packed my belongings for my first semester away from home: a whole new world. Hundreds of other teenagers shared that experience, and we all arrived at the same time.
As a new university student, I went to the Freshman Orientation to get acclimated with other underclassmen. While my parents did paperwork, I entered my dorm and went upstairs to see my room. I vividly recall seeing my muscled roommate for the first time. He was shirtless. For a gay boy like me, that was a dreamy blessing.
Due to that era in America's biased anti-gay culture, I remained "closeted" at home and at school. Eventually, a handful of guys at AU knew my sexuality.
My roommate's name was Mike, and he shook my hand. He resumed unpacking his athletic stuff and pin-up posters, and I discreetly admired his physique. He was not shy to tell me that his only collegiate objectives were the basketball team and sex... despite having a girlfriend who was back in his hometown.
Regardless of his promiscuity, it was like winning a jackpot. I glimpsed his muscles every day. Throughout the year, when he was in our dorm, most of his "outfits" consisted of baseball caps and jeans. He liked being shirtless because it leveraged favors from eager girls, and it blended with his macho buddies. Since I wasn't macho, he was uninterested in me.
I lived with a jock/womanizer who lacked any intention to befriend me (unlike how college roomies usually behave). Nonetheless, I enjoyed daily "eye-candy": seeing him without clothes. Regardless of the weather, he only slept in his boxer shorts. Every day, he was topless. During most mornings, I woke up and started my day with that view! To my mind, it was like this...
As a bonus, he got undressed a few times per day: for a morning shower, an outfit for classes, gym outfit, uniform for basketball practice/games, towel for an evening shower (before going out to meet women), slutty outfit for nighttime escapades, and putting on the same boxer shorts for bedtime.
Seeing his athletic buddies in our room was a fun perk, too. They were often bare-chested, doing crotch tugs and pull-ups in our open doorway.
Girls followed.
Mike's sex life was the only on that existed in our room. He seemed like an exhibitionist who didn't care. He and his girls expected me to stay on my side of the partition between our beds. While I did homework, I heard them giggling and seducing each other. It was inconvenient whenever I entered our room while he was screwing different girls, or when I awoke from hearing them grunting at 2am. I stepped around his used condoms on the floor. Can you imagine what our room smelled like? Mike only cleaned up his side of the room when his girlfriend visited—and she brought his laundry to/from his mom, who did it for him. That probably contributed to his ineptitude of cleaning up after himself.
Art students laid on the floor, drawing sketches. Skateboarders practiced under the awnings outside. There was a TV Room, and movies often played. I got accustomed to using the dorm's laundromat, and seeing people doing their laundry at all
hours.
After living in a two-bathroom home with only one sibling, I adjusted my hygiene routines to accommodate the "shared bathroom" that 28 guys used.
Nonetheless, I enjoyed sensations of going to the showers and seeing attractive physiques wrapped in towels or wearing only underwear. Sometimes, I got extra "showings" in the afternoon and at night!
On that topic, it was fun watching topless guys play football or volleyball... and tanning themselves in the sun!
I remained thankful that the rural area sprouted so many attractive young men. (It must be the fresh air).
But, due to the small population, I could merely "admire" because 98% of the students were heterosexual.
Out of 80 student organizations, there was only one for gay kids: Spectrum. It had the fewest members and held the fewest events. I attended both of its annual costume parties. Members were always flamboyant—beyond how I expressed myself at the time—and it was oddly the one place that I couldn’t get many friendships. I have some traits that are less manly than others, but I never dyed my hair, wore women's shoes, or used exuberant makeup at mealtime in the dining hall. I didn’t judge those who did, but those who did judged me because I didn't.
Despite my welcoming attitude, recruitment parties, and personal invitations, no gay guys joined any of the organizations that I participated in. One lesbian joined the Student Activities Board. I was friendly with her and her girlfriend, and I aided her to avoid a boy who was determined to start dating her. Alas, those girls didn't help me meet boys.
Spectrum's faculty advisor was named Ted. He never really socialized with me, nor did he ever agree to my ideas for co-sponsored events with the other groups that I belonged to. Spectrum kept itself as a closed circle. Nowadays, Ted is more friendly via Facebook. That's him below with his lace-wearing husband, Marc. Marc thinks I'm absolutely scrumptious and wishes we lived closer together! (They live 8 hours away, at the other end of the state in Buffalo). I wish I'd known an accepting person like Marc in college.
Thankfully, I did earn friendships. I'm sociable, and I get along with a variety of people. I had chats with the cleaning staff whom I encountered in the morning. I helped Krista bake brownies in the dorm's kitchen, and I tasted Jim's trays of Jell-O shots in his refrigerator. At Easter, some
girls on the third floor invited me for dinner, and we cooked ham, vegetables,
potatoes and dinner rolls, and we enjoyed wine that I bought. In class, I was a conversationalist with kids from ALL OVER the country and world, and I was quickly desired as a contributor for "group work" assignments/homework.
I recall having the sidewalks to myself in the morning for my 8am Psychology class (a requirement for a degree in Business). As I entered the College of Business, the aroma of coffee
and baked goods from the Starbucks cart was uplifting. I never liked Starbucks, but a buttery/flaky croissant was ideal.
Looking back, I wish that the university had promoted its Foreign Exchange Student Program, because it would've been hugely beneficial for me.
Before delving into pure Business classes (Marketing Research, Economics, Statistics, Accounting, Organizational Studies, Sociology), my Faculty Advisor advised me to add Liberal Arts classes to my first semester. One of my favorites was Creative Writing, taught Professor McDonough. He was from the United Kingdom and had a lovely accent. His tweed jackets, suede vests, leather shoes, and pocket squares reminded me of Pierce Brosnan's dapper outfits.
He exuded a sparkling confidence and enthusiasm. His guidance influenced my writing thereafter. (I was always a fan of British culture, so when I started writing a series of novels, six of the main characters were British from around the world).
I valued my semester of Environmental Studies, and I retain those teachings for a healthier lifestyle. I was the most-popular guy in my Women's Studies class, due to my progressive viewpoints and fair-minded stances.
I respected the moments when professors/mentors engaged me in a discussion over notable points in my schoolwork.
I cherished the great rapport that I had with my faculty advisor, Dr. John Howard. Often dressed in flannels and gabardines, he instilled his upstanding principles, and that was helpful because he was also my Marketing professor. He was so proud of me that he invited me to join him and his wife on their sailboat in the Chesapeake Bay. Only six students won that privilege during his tenure.
I liked my energetic and sophisticated professors: caffeine-induced Mrs. Martelle keeping us "airborne" through British Literature; soft-spoken Dr. Ben Howard advising me in his tranquil office; peppy Dr. Robana (from Tunisia) leading us into the world of Finance; Dean Grontkowski teaching us Greek Philosophy; wise-cracking Frank Duserick in his chaotic office; the warm-hearted and decorous Dean of Students, Gerry Brody; and President Coll, Jr.'s outgoing and extraverted persona.
At the opening of mealtimes, a queue formed outside the dining halls. Folks wanted the best seats/booths, an end-cut of Prime Rib on "Steak Night", oven-made pizza, and the first batch of omelets on weekends. My friend, Jim, and I often had a competition to build the highest ice cream cone. There was "Sundae Night" on Sundays when all the trimmings
were put out! I loved sitting with different groups of people and choosing to have a "shared meal" with them. I also loved the weekly menus. After living with lazily-innutritious parents (who preferred microwavable "TV Dinners"), those well-made meals indoctrinated me with the importance of having a healthy diet.
As a "student leader" who exemplified AU's standards, I was selected and invited to attend Board of Trustee Dinners.
When the chef served quail, I was the only student who didn't make a mess while consuming it. Alas, a dark-skinned trustee named Ruth Scott whispered to her husband, "He seems nice but uppity". Her husband whispered back, "No, I think he's just being respectful with his manners and he's nervous. He just wants to make a good impression." Ruth remained unimpressed and resisted my attempts to "connect". At another dinner, a grumpy CEO from a finance firm in Manhattan asked about my GPA scores. They were always excellent. Yet, after my answer, he sneered at me and bragged that he was merely a mid-score student, but he outclassed his classmates with his current job. He insisted that grades weren't as important as money-making. That's unusual for a supporter of an educational institution. No, he did not reply to my help finding a job. Instead, he shouted into his mobile phone to his corporate underlings.
All of those meals occurred in the bustling Powell Campus Center! It also had a Lil Alf Cafe that sold snacks. Seen below, that's me sitting on the cafe's terrace. I helped the girl in the middle get engaged/married to my friend.
I recall the mad rush of people checking their mailboxes at noon and at 4
o’clock. The joy of receiving a "green card", which indicated that you had a package to claim! I especially treasured the moments when friends-of-the-family (never from my own family) shipped "Care Packages" to me: cookies, savory snacks, magazines, and coffee beans.
There was always fun and mayhem within the Office
of Student Activities... and with the building's sarcastic cleaning woman. I liked the energy of moviegoers on a Friday or Saturday night
at Nevins Theatre.
Weekly TWAA (This Week At Alfred) bulletins listed the events on campus. After being deprived of live-entertainment in the suburbs of Long Island (and via overpriced constrictions in NYC), it was a cornucopia of activities! There was always something for me to attend or participate in: Open Mic Night, comedy, singers, rappers, choruses, chamber music, DJs, poetry readings, gymnastics, fashion shows, and talent shows.
Stand-up comedians
creating roars of laughter in the Knight Club.
During "Wing Night", we ate complimentary Buffalo wings and
watched a movie. One year, there were huge wicker “pots” erected outside the building, as an art installation.
I remember the gas fireplaces that my friends and I cozied ourselves next to in the Lil' Alf Cafe, Knight Club, and Alumni Lounge.
There was a manually-operated carillon bell-tower that gave noontime renditions, which I loved hearing!
I salivate when thinking of the gooey cinnamon rolls served at The
Collegiate (The Jet), on Main Street. Alas, it was adorned with fraternity paddles. Frat brothers used them in homoerotic hazing rituals to spank new members.
I liked the first snowfalls that dusted the valley with prettiness.
Winter was beautiful. The campus was always cleared of snow, so nobody was inconvenienced. After 18 years of living on Long Island, it was the first time that I experienced the benefits of competent "snow removal" by professionals who are paid to maintain the community.
The colorful array of scarves, mittens, and hats. Sledding on trays “borrowed” from the
dining halls: it was nicknamed "traying". There was a day when the dining halls allowed anonymous returns of any “borrowed”
trays.
Despite a higher latitude than NYC, Alfred remained snow-free for most of the winter. It also lacked the "wet cold" air that doused the downstate populations.
People prioritized to be outside on the first warm day.
Guys enjoyed being topless on the first hot day, and I liked the way that their knapsacks and backpacks looked on them!
I admired the courteous and helpful university
employees and citizens in the village. Together, we performed Christmas caroling around bonfires at Alumni Hall, accompanied
by the AU Brass.
Afterwards,
we shared homemade cookies and hot cocoa that the neighbors provided.
At the end of the
semester, there was a charitable Swipe-A-Neighbor program, so students with leftover meals on
their dining cards could donate meals for members of Alfred’s community to
use at the Dining Halls. Herrick Library held an annual "Food for Fines" amnesty
program that forgave overdue book fines, in exchange for donated canned foods.
I didn't own a car until after graduation, but I had two friends with cars. We made food shopping excursions to
Wegman’s supermarket. It was 11 miles away: a 20 minute drive.
One day, I drove Mike’s car, and my Residence Director tried to race us in hers! We were jostled in his old car, as I sped along the winding roads.
I had great fun attending some soccer and football games, contributing "school spirit" as a spectator who cheered for the "home-team".
Another motivation was the male scenery!
The Concert Band played upbeat music for the athletes. The crowd got rowdy, and guys stripped out of their shirts. Whew!
However, it was warmer and more attractive to watch the Men's Swim Team at the indoor pool.
AU lured students from across the country and abroad, so I developed a global awareness that is not seen in much of America. I learned about different cultures and histories, and I cherished the many accents encountered at Alfred: Boston pronunciation, California surfer tones, clear-cut Iowa intonation,
Kansas drawls, clipped New York City talk, Kentucky twangs, British poshness, Spanish slang, Indian tones, Jamaican cadence, singsong Italian expressions, Polish timbre, Korean lilt, and
Australian enunciation.
I loved the semesterly Fine Art Shows. I always had fun meandering around—champagne and canapé
in hand—admiring the artistry. I watched students blowing glass, spinning pottery, welding, painting, and sculpting. I have sensual memories from the Art College's photography darkrooms!
With rapture, I listened to friends rehearse music at the state-of-the-art $14 million Miller Performing Arts Center. I also enrolled there in a Music Appreciation class, as part of my mandatory "electives".
Loyally, I attended recitals, jazz concerts, chamber music ensembles, orchestral concerts, dance shows, plays, musicals, and vocal performances. The talent was impressive.
Waking up at 5am to
set up for Hot Dog Day during the Alumni Weekend and its parade on Main Street.
Walking into a
building and saying Hello to all the people I knew. Feeling the engulfing heat of the older buildings during the
colder months. Receiving an
applause during the first day of a semester when classmates saw me enter the
room to join their class!
Talking
with professors after a seminar or lecture about how to apply their imparted
knowledge to life. Researching at the libraries and sitting in the comfortable
reading chairs.
Several times, I visited the fraternity houses, but I didn't like them. They were full of grunge, ripped furniture, dirty bathrooms, basement bars, puking pupils, obnoxious "hazing" stunts, and alcohol poisonings. Sorority and frat houses were similar to brothels, and it was "normal" to treat women as conquests. I watched other couples grope, grind, and kiss. Without gay boys at the frats, those were things that I couldn't participate in.
Budgeting for my next big purchase of text books was a challenge.
I earned income as a Tour Guide. Each week, I enjoyed meeting “my” prospective students and their anxious parents. I had fun escorting them around campus, introducing them to people I
knew (almost everybody), and giving an in-depth perspective of the pride-worthy facilities. I networked with hospitable students
who volunteered to let the “touring families” see their rooms as examples of
college life. Occasionally, I received a thank-you card from a prospective
student. Dutifully, I told the Director of
Admissions about “Hot Prospects”. She asked me to critique the new AU webpage to see if it highlighted Alfred in the best ways
possible.
Due to my charisma, I was voted to officer positions in many student organization. Despite its small size, AU sustained a plethora of student groups and clubs. During my first year, I felt like the university gave me wings. In truth, their message was "Look here; this is where your wings were during your whole life, and we will encourage you to learn to fly with them". I developed assurance to ask questions, take risks, audition for roles, be a candidate in elections, be a nominee for authority, and inspire others. Whether I won or not, I accepted opportunities to learn, grow, mature, and try again.
I was recruited to join my
first student organization: Residence Hall Council. Designing the invitations to the RHC semi-formals
that increased awareness and membership of the group. Preparing for an annual
Student Activities Board “Large Act” attracted pop entertainers: Third Eye Blind, Smashmouth, and Alanis Morisette.
I ascended the ranks of contributors to become the Arts & Entertainment Editor of the student newspaper, Fiat Lux, which is Latin for "Let there be light".
I met every deadline, and I astutely assigned articles to my writers and photographer. I wrote and interviewed about many performances, recitals, concerts, and art exhibits.
I eagerly volunteered to write Sports articles about the Men's Swimming & Diving Teams! I enjoyed interviewing and photographing them. Ha ha!
Understandably, I also volunteered to assist with football interviews... purely for the views of butts in the locker room.
Most importantly, for each edition of the newspaper, I created a section named "Campus Spotlight", to highlight the wonderful AU employees who did great things behind-the-scenes. I learned to be a helpful éminence grise.
I redesigned the layout of the newspaper, and it won a national award at the Columbia Scholastic Press Association. The university funded our journey to Manhattan to receive it while attending the convention of College Media Advisors. It was at the Marriott Marquis Hotel at Times Square.
I had no clue where to go in NYC for gay life. I walked a few blocks in each direction from the hotel, but the area around Times Square was disgustingly full of vagrants, homeless men, garbage, beggars, illegal hookers, and gullible tourist families. (It still is).
While other students bemoaned their inability to sneak into bars and pubs for underage drinking, I dressed up and smoothly entered the hotel's revolving rooftop cocktail lounge on the 48th floor: The View. It gave 360-degree views of the city skyline.
Another adventure was getting lost with Dr. Robana
and members of the Finance Club in New Jersey en route to a SIFE (Students in
Free Enterprise) convention. I had fun "signing out" university cars or vans for excursions on behalf of Business
College organizations to strengthen relations and recruitment with local high schools and
companies.
The Yearbook staff asked me to be their Copy Editor. I was voted as Secretary for the Student Activities Board, and I became SAB's Comedy chairman: hiring touring comedians—some who were openly gay—and entertaining them during their stay!
Within my Business College, I became a member of the American Marketing Association. I ran for and won its presidency.
Aside from running the AMA Chapter, I restarted publication of its newsletter (which I designed), developed its website, and initiated fundraising & call-a-thons (I got a list of alums from the Office of Annual Giving). I prepared annual reports for funding from the Student Government, and I networked with the Student Council President. Under my leadership, we hosted the first AMA New York State collegiate and professional Chapter Conference! We earned acclaim and publicity... and more members. I was honored to be nominated for the Dean's Leadership Award, which I proudly won at the end of the year.
I was a founding member to establish a chapter of the prestigious achievement-oriented Omicron Delta Kappa Honor Circle! The other founders nominated me to be the Vice President of Development.
Before becoming official, we had to demonstrate to the national board of ODK that we were worthwhile. So, I created events. I initiated "Breakfasts with the President", where up-and-coming students could chat with him and share concerns. People loved it. We gave out Leadership Awards to deserving students—regardless if they were Liberal Arts, Engineering, or Business majors. They were great resume boosters!
The ODK Selection Representative, Cheryl Hogle, approved us to have a chapter of the Circle! It was a first for the university! In front of the President, Provost, and Dean of Students, she complimented my good taste, amazing organization skills (reserving all the facilities and arranging the programming & ceremony), the way I got the student body excited, and my flair for urbane event planning! She loved the delphiniums that I procured (ODK's official flower), and the classy receptions with AU String Quartet and a baked brie with the ODK logo made out of puff pastry from the chef.
In just one year, we vied to host the ODK National Conference. We competed against 300 schools. It was a ton of responsibility for me, with lots of scrutiny on such an ambitious bid. Our group made such a great bid that we got chosen by the ODK National Board to host it! Hooray! Alfred University was delighted with us for all the visibility we earned it. The Director of Admissions was thrilled with me.
That same year, I also found myself bidding for and winning the chance to organize/host a local Chapter Conference (of 8 other universities) for the American Marketing Association!
Those successes got me selected as the Voting Chairman, then Planning Chairman, and an awards presenter for the university's Alfie Awards: its version of the Academy Awards/Oscars. I was nominated for my newspaper articles and creating the Best Campus-wide Event. My idea of having a "007 theme" spurred a spy theme for the next three years.
Overall, I developed synergy, coordination, time-management, stress-management, and a Life/Work balance. After all, you're only at college for 4 years, and you should try your best. I effectively did it all—keeping the energy high with my fellow students—while happily maintaining my GPA and various friendships.
After 16 years as the university president, Edward G. Coll, Jr. took me out to lunch one day, saying I was the most impressive young man he saw in a long time. He said that I was a great salesman and organizer. He hoped that I would raise money for the school like I did for the student groups. Later that year, he bestowed his President's Award at a dinner banquet in my honor! It recognized my "hard work" for the betterment of Student Life on campus.
I experienced four years of different roommates. During three years, I lived in Student Suites with 5 guys: 2 per room.
I always hoped to have a cute gay one with a supportive family...
...but no success. I would've been content with a "closeted" one with an disapproving family...
...but no success.
Instead, I lived with engineering students who fixated on their spreadsheets, "loner" guys who avoided us, and quasi-sporty ones. They swung baseball bats that dented our walls, left muddy soccer cleats in the living room, dangled crotch cups from laundry lines in the bathroom, and piled dirty dishes in the kitchen sink.
At least some of them were attractive to admire (discreetly).
However, at the end of my sophomore term, my five suitemates had a meeting and elected one guy to talk with me. Apparently, my roommate was uncomfortable being around me because he deduced that I was gay. He had found my stash of male pictures, torn from magazines and calendars. I admitted it. Together, they voted against me living with them again, in the upcoming year. I didn’t understand: I never brought boys over, nor did I behave flamboyantly. In fact, I sacrificed having my own lifestyle, so I would be accepted. I cooked for them, did my share of chores and grocery shopping... and did some extra cleaning to compensate for their messiness. I was emotionally hurt. Clearly, my sexuality was a contentious issue. The gay kids said I had to be "more gay" to be accepted, yet my straight roommates thought I was "too gay" to be accepted.
The next year, I became an upperclassman, and I got accepted into a Junior-Year Suite with 5 different fellows. My roommate, Kevin, was a ceramic engineer who spent his time in libraries and labs. The other guys were a mix of college-majors. I acted cautiously “straight” with them. When they discussed intimacy, I fabricated stories about my Music Class partner: Hannah. They catcalled me when they saw my picture in the newspaper alongside my co-President of the American Marketing Association (who probably did like me). In truth, with the exception of a couple of weeks, I went through two years at college without having sex.
When it finally happened, my tryst was intense, but the young man didn't return to his college in the next year. While it lasted, our conversations were easy, and he didn't have a pretense of being swishy to identify as being gay. Whenever I felt lonely, I looked across the valley at his State College campus and knew that one boy liked me for who I was.
But to admit my lack of "straight" sex or brag about my gay version would've caused me to be ostracized at AU.
Instead of boys, I experienced plenty of girls trying to entice me. Karen took me to a square-dancing lesson; it was a hoot.
Several times, Bethany baked cookies for me and invited me to Game Nights in her suite.
Once, my roomies took me to a Buffalo Bills game. Outside the stadium, we were delighted to find a tent set up by AU's catering department with refreshments,
beer, and grill items. It was intended for students and alumni who attended the game.
Every season, there was a beautiful landscape to admire.
I was always glad to stay inside on a snowy day.
Since it was a university full of virile testosterone, there were other ways to "keep warm"...
...but they were always done secretly because the guys who liked me were ashamed of their desires.
I was friendly with girls, but some of them wanted intimacy. I had to be inventively polite to express disinterest. One persistent girl, named Jenny, lived near my hometown. During a school-break, she invited me to spend the day with her: attending her younger brother's wrestling match, dinner with her family, and then a movie at the cinema. I rooted for her bro, and his physicality was the highlight of the day. Wow!
Discreetly fondling me, Jenny mistook my arousal to be for her. I daydreamed about her bro being gay or bi-curious, but after I rebuffed Jenny's desire for sex, I never saw him again. I didn't consider that consequence, and I regret it.
I remember an amusing hour in the university bookstore reading David Letterman’s book of “Top Ten Lists”.
Production
weekends for the Fiat Lux that were full of teamwork, pressure, and a few disagreements.
Going for morning runs with Spencer.
Knowing where to sit outside to have a perfect view of the Track Team jogging past me.
All of us
volunteering to star in Karri-Ann’s homemade video of Shakespeare, where we performed with inventively hidden scripts in the men’s room of the Campus Center! Cooking dinner
at my place, where it was a production for Mike to buy the ingredients,
Dave got drunk on my Malibu Bay Breezes, the water boiled out of the pot
of pasta, and Jim—trying to remove the burning mess off the stove—put in on the
floor, and when he picked it up again, it had glued itself to the floor. He peeled it off, but it took some of
the tiles up, too!
Lending out my shirts, shoes, socks,
ties, shoe polish, cuff links, and shirt studs for all types of occasions... because some of my buddies didn't have those things.
I was well-known for my predilection of preppy "sporty" clothes and Brooks Brothers suits (when the brand still had panache). My friend Dave sprayed himself with my cologne
whenever he came into my room. Supportively, I watched him play on the Saxons Tennis team. Yet, I bragged to him
that badminton is a more challenging sport.
Frisbee games on the lawn. Lunch outside.
After retrieving me at the end of a semester, my Mom bought estate-sale antique crystal stemware at the Canacadea Country Store. The proprietor was thrilled.
I always impressed people with my ability to eat a grapefruit in
their presence and not squirt anyone. I was honored to have a home-cooked dinner with students at Dr. Enke’s house, and I helped him load the fireplace. I was invited to
Dr. Viggiani’s house for a student picnic and exploring her property and pond. I spent hours discussing wines with
Dr. Paul Strong.
Being privileged with my first invitation to a Board of Trustees
Dinner. Knowing the waitresses and getting all the best hors d’ oeuvres passed to me
first. Drinking Manhattans with my
professors. Being approached by the Public Relations Office to give feedback. Once, not
getting an invitation for a Trustee Dinner (I guess other folks had to get a
turn) but being invited as a date by Christina Lombardi
(the Student Senate President)…which annoyed a
few people. We sat with the Chairman of the Board of Directors, who was Jewish and seemed to sniff at my prior education because it was at a parochial Christian school. Nevertheless, I made a contribution by putting lively music in the air with my recordings of the Lester Lanin Orchestra. Hearing it, President Coll yelled, “Ken, my boy! I don’t
think we’ll be able to let you graduate because I need you to stay and play music at all my events.
This is the best music I’ve heard in years!”
Watching the burst of springtime, as the landscaping crews planted beds of
flowers and shrubs. The pumpkin carving contests in autumn. Going for a ride up in the bucket of an Alfred fire truck during a fund-raiser for the department.
Designing that year's Alfie
Awards ceremony and getting funding for a new style of award statues (commissioned by the President). I achieved record-breaking “voting” participation, and I orchestrated the best pre-show party, with a red carpet and parked limousine for photographs...
During my junior year, I didn't want to use the expensive yet slow/dirty Amtrak trains again to go home for Thanksgiving Break, so I accepted a carpool offer with a classmate named Efren. He lived in the Bronx (a borough of NYC), and the driver agreed to drop us off at his home. Alas, a snowstorm delayed us, so we arrived at Efren's neighborhood after dinnertime. He lived with his aunt in one of NYC's notoriously neglected Public Housing Communities that are nicknamed The Projects. They resemble Soviet-style blocks with prison-like interiors. Since the 1960s, they remain infested with crime and poverty, and NYC doesn't care. Yet, some residents upkeep nice apartments. Efren respected me for not judging him badly about his home.
Despite the late hour, his Hispanic aunt overheard us arrive, and she welcomed me graciously. Efren urged her to go back to sleep, but her innate hospitality compelled her to prepare a meal for her nephew and a new guest in her home. He and I sat patiently while she cooked a sizable dinner. It was tasty and flavorful!
Then, she provided pillows and a blanket for me to sleep on the sofa. Her warmhearted gestures were grander than the snooty behavior of WASPs whom I met on Long Island's North Shore.
In a gentlemanly style, I reciprocated and hosted Efren at my home for a summer weekend. We cooked, did sightseeing, and ventured to Manhattan for a Broadway musical. He was wowed. He remains a friend via Facebook.
Holidays on campus were always lively. I relished the Admissions Department’s Christmas dinner for Tour Guides. They played my jazz & mambo Christmas music repeatedly, and everyone said the Lester Lanin album was “happiest” music they ever heard. Even the skateboarder kids liked it!
Going out with my friends to
swanky restaurants that I discovered in the locality: Chicory Station, Coslo’s
Restaurant, Manhattan West, the Glenn Iris Inn...
...and The Old Library (we ordered Bananas Foster en flambé)!
Volunteering for Meals on Wheels.
Being asked by Dean Szczerbacki to be a student at a luncheon interview with a potential new-hire for the Business College faculty. He valued my insight and assessment skills.
I had a terrific time at the Murder Mystery dinner in the Steinheim Castle (Career Development Center), where I also formulated my first resume. It was constructed in 1876.
Using the university's free shuttle vans to get to Rochester Airport for my flights home at Christmastime. My job earned the money to buy my tickets aboard US Air. Despite the modern era, the airline still used propeller planes. I imagined the trip as a "vintage adventure".
Having a weather-delayed flight back to school, and calling
AU late at night but not reaching anybody for a ride to the campus. Finally reaching the only open phone
extension—the AU Maintenance Office—and hearing that they couldn’t recommend
any taxi service but someone would drive up to get me! Bless that courteous man who cheerily came to get me! (If I fondly recall such good deeds, I know that others recall the ones I do for them).
The time that AU lured Hilary Clinton during her Senate campaign through
New York to come and give a speech.
Casino Night in the Knight Club with me working the roulette tables... dressed like a "pit boss".
Ballroom dance lessons from a bronze Olympic medalist in the Knight Club.
Attending dedication
ceremonies for new buildings on campus. Poking fun at the silly-sounding items (minuscule crimes) that
appeared in the Police Blotter of the village's newspaper.
Finagling a hotel room (due to scarcity) for my parents at the on-campus Saxon Inn (with wood-burning fireplace) so they didn't have to drive 30-minutes from the nearest hotel when they came each springtime to take me home.
Coping with the tremendous disappointment (after being misled by the pricey university) that none of the alumni in New York helped me to find a job after college. The president wrote to them with letters of introduction, but nobody offered guidance, and most didn't respond. The Alumni Network was useless.
I have fond memories of three consecutive summers that my friends stayed at my home for holiday weekends. They always wanted to visit a historic Long Island mansion, ride in a limousine to Manhattan for a Broadway show, and dine at a "fancy" restaurant. They devoured my home-cooked dinners in my candlelit dining room, and they also loved our "pizza/movie nights".
One year, Dave brought his buddy, Zach, who was gorgeous. Every morning, Zach walked around my house shirtless.
When he wore shirts, they all featured slogans for "safe sex".
My friends and I pooled money together for those weekends, but it was laborious and expensive for me. Yet, I gladly did it, hoping to forge lifetime memories with lifelong friends. But after I told them that I was gay, they didn't consider me a friend and sought others to fulfill their "city adventures". (One came from a conservative anti-gay family. The other was a follower of the Greek Orthodox religion that viewed homosexuality as a sin against God. The third clung to his homophobic father's financial support by obeying him (his brother was gay and got expelled from the family), so he couldn't have gay friends. Their reactions were heartbreaking. We all went to the same open-minded university, but they didn't absorb the lessons.
During our senior year, Mike
and I bought a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue and a crystal decanter as a
retirement gift to President Coll.
I will always remember the excitement of my graduation.
I was the first student in TEN YEARS to be inducted to the Alpha Mu Alpha Honor Society! It was voted by the faculty, and only one student in each university could have the award bestowed on them. I was awestruck.
I recall how the classical march, Pomp and Circumstance (written by an English baronet, Sir Edward Elgar) boomed in the background. During the "cap & gown" ceremony, my parents were seated in the VIP section. Regardless of that, my father actually fell asleep. He also slept through the Honors Convocation for me, during the prior night. As seen below, I savored my professors' praise, instead of boredom my parents.
Due to America's pricey education system, graduates are immediately harnessed with towering debt from college loans that become due at graduation. It's outrageous because many first-world countries don't do that. I promptly acquired Letters of Recommendation from my professors, the dean of my college, the Dean of Students, and the Director of Admissions (regarding my job). Some kids were too timid to ask deans—but not me. I even got a weighty letter from President Coll. Partly bragging and partly sharing eternal thanks, I'll share quips from them:
President Coll, "I have known Ken for the duration of his baccalaureate career at Alfred University. Ken is an extremely energetic and positive leader with an engaging personality, who is highly regarded by his fellow students, the faculty, and administration. He is an excellent student. I recommend Ken very highly and promise he will bring distinction to a future employer."
Professor of Marketing, Dr. John Howard, "I have invariably found Ken to be hardworking, intelligent, creative, and accomplished. In all his campus activities, he assumed vital leadership roles. Of special interest to me is the highly impressive way he developed synergy between all of his activities and brought each of them to peak levels of excellent productivity, with incredible effect. In a very short time, he became an influential campus citizen. He transformed the AMA from a sleepy group with a small unmotivated membership to a growing, high-profile organization. I honestly believe that it's all due to Ken's gentle leadership and good example. In my 24 years at Alfred, I have not seen a student transform himself so quickly and completely. While many marketing students fall prey to "common sense syndrome", Ken is impervious to that. He devotes himself to learning each subject and viewing the world through the lens of that subject. I believe he benefited far more than students with perfect GPAs. The faculty recognized it and singled him out for a one-student-per-school honor society, as well as the Dean's Leadership Award. Ken has my recommendation to any employer."
The Dean of the Business College, David Szczerbacki, "Kenneth's high energy, enthusiasm, creativity and persistence has been very much in evidence since he was a freshman. He has been part of an extraordinary cadre of students that virtually created an ODK Honor Circle at Alfred. ODK quickly evolved into a prestigious vibrant organization, in large part due to Ken's leadership and development skills. He is also keen in lining up ensuing leaders to succeed him in the positions that he holds across campus. His mature "people skills" and intelligence should serve him well. Ken is a "doer"! I recommend him to employers with enthusiasm and without any reservations."
Director of Admissions, Kitty McCarthy, "Kenneth is one of our preferred Tour Guides. He is diligent and hard-working, consistently exerting significant effort in all he undertakes. Ken is a catalyst for people becoming involved in our activities, surveys, and marketing materials. With "natural" leadership talents, Ken has an instinct for implementing ideas and getting things done. From my perspective, Ken has that quiet but determined approach and attitude. His peers respect his intellect. Moreover, he needs little, if any, direction when given a task or challenge. I am confident that Kenneth has the background, potential, and ambition to be a solid leader at the professional level and in future endeavors."
Professor of Finance, Dr. Robana, "Foremost, Ken is a gentleman in the real sense of the word. His coordination skills surfaced when he delivered policies regarding membership and constitutions of the student organizations that he led. He demonstrated a sound perspective of complex situations and shows keen analytical capabilities. Ken's networking skills are natural and have often brought varied people together. At present, his interests are strategies, marketing, sales and consulting."
Dean of Students, Gerald Brody, "One of the things that make Kenneth so special is his tremendous organizational skills and meticulous attention to detail. One knows that if Ken does something, it will be done right. Add his personality, people skills, professionalism, and the fact that Ken is genuinely a nice person, and you have an excellent future employee."
Professor of Organizational Behavior, Dr. Viggiani, "Ken's abilities as a speaker and organizer are amazing. He has the unique ability to present his ideas in a very authoritative fashion, unusual in someone of his age. He is extremely articulate and highly focused, when he proposes and carries out projects. I have seen Ken put this style, maturity and capacity to take on responsibility for a variety of causes. I am always impressed when Ken comes to me with yet another activity or idea! His innate talents will make him an asset in any management group."
Hooray! I was so proud to earn them! Alas, American grads are dropped uncaringly into a saturated job-market where employers want to underpay. To justify its tuition cost, Alfred University always boasted, "Our alumni will help graduates excel by using their professional network and resources." Really? They did not help at all! (Whenever I'm asked to help people, I do a better job). Since then, I always propelled myself in my career.
For awhile, Mike and Dave stayed connected with me, despite living in different regions of the state. We helped Dave move into New York University for summer courses. For an entire week, I traveled 40-minutes by train into Manhattan to see his temporary job at the Ford Modeling Agency. Typical of the industry, it was owned by an unattractive person who dictated what "beauty" was... and left a slew of "broken" models in the background.
He was lustful for the female models, but I was thrilled to help him sift through the submitted photos of potential male models... and see them "arrive for work".
Proudly, I wrote blurbs for the
Alumni Newsletter. I treasured my invitation to attend President Coll’s black-tie
retirement party at the 5-star Pierre Hotel in Manhattan.
I volunteered my time as an unpaid Recruiting representative for AU at college fairs on Long Island. (No, AU did not give me a reduction in my college debt). I drove to various high schools and auditoriums and promoted AU to potential enrollees. It was sensational to return to my former high school on behalf of Alfred University. Thus, the cycle started again, as I spread knowledge and advice to incoming freshmen. I wanted them to have an easier experience than I had.
I cherished their joy and the lovely Thank You letters.
I also watched as friends drifted away—busy with their own lives or perhaps not interested in my openly gay one—but happily staying in touch with some people. Nonetheless, its the lessons that I retain and the people I met who made me a better person.
"Alfred University has a wonderful reputation as a well-run,
excellent academic institution. It's the right size for
me. I like institutions where I can get to know people across the campus, and where I can do
anything: star in a play, play on a team, be president of a club, help create my own events, and be involved in the decision-making process in meaningful
ways."
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