Driving Humor

     As some of you prepare to fend off other weekend motorists, I thought this entry would keep spirits light!  The following are actual statements found on insurance forms, where drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident:

- Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.

- The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.

- I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.

- I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. 

- A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

- The guy was all over the road.  I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

- I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

- I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

- I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.

- As I approached an intersection, a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

- To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front of me, I struck a pedestrian.

- My car was legally parked, as it backed into another vehicle.

- An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

- I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

- The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.  I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman, as he bounced off the roof of my car.

- The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

- I was thrown from my car, as it left the road.  I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.