Life in pre-internet suburbia was stifling. Therefore, it might seem silly that I chose
to go to college all the way in rural upstate NY, instead of in NYC. But attending a NYC school didn’t
seem far enough from home for me, and living away was the choice that I wanted. As it turned out, my choice allowed me to "buff myself up and shine" in many facets of development.
I researched universities, and I preened
over the lists and videos that my guidance counselor had.
I did that alone, without any help from my parents, and I anxiously sought out
good schools. On my own, I arranged several campus visits in New York State and regions of New England. When my father refused to drive us (or put "unnecessary mileage" on any of our cars), I coerced my mother to rent a car—that I paid for and drove halfway. Despite that drama, I remained composed during my interviews and impressed every Admissions Counselor and Campus Recruiter who met me.
I wanted "bang for my buck" and desired a small professor/student ratio. I listened to
my teachers’ advice that Alfred University was a “good solid school” (Top 30
business schools in US World News & Reports). It had several new buildings on campus (and it would renovate 2 more and build another during my education). It had a surprisingly well-rounded, well-stocked atmosphere, and the BEST nutritious food (now discontinued). My guidance counselor wrote about me as "exceptionally thoughtful, conscientious, and helpful". AU's recruiter in my region, Tom Attanasio, met me and instantly knew that I would be a good match. After our interview, he highly recommended me. My acceptance letter from AU made me jubilant (it also requested a non-refundable $300 deposit). I earned a scholarship that fewer than 10% of students qualified for! "Your superior academic achievement and the quality of your supportive recommendations strongly suggest that you will be successful here." Truer words were never spoken.
So, at the same time that Microsoft
Windows 95 premiered and eBay was founded, I enrolled at a well-known but charmingly small university (2,800
undergraduates). It was an 8-hour northwesterly drive, crossing the Susquehanna River Valley and the Appalachian Mountain plateau (both named for Native American tribes who originally lived there). Driving through the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania gave directness to the route. The campus is in Allegany County. Like all counties of western New York, it was acquired from land owned (or processed) by the Holland Land Company: the world's largest foreign investment at that time. Comprised of 13 Dutch investors from Amsterdam, the company bought the land in 1792 from Native Americans and Robert Morris, Jr. (one of America's Founding Fathers). After building canals and roads, they sold it in 1840 (a.k.a "flipping it").
Alfred University was founded in 1836, and its emblem is from England: King Alfred the Great. A fan of education, he ruled the Anglo-Saxons in the 800s. A statue of the king adorns the quad, and the school's colors are a regal purple and gold.
Alfred University was founded in 1836, and its emblem is from England: King Alfred the Great. A fan of education, he ruled the Anglo-Saxons in the 800s. A statue of the king adorns the quad, and the school's colors are a regal purple and gold.
In the 900s, King Alfred unified Wessex with the kingdoms of Sussex, Kent, and West Mercia into a new Kingdom of England. In essence, England was its own United Kingdom, at that time. As a member of the House of Wessex, his emblem was a golden, winged, two-legged wyvern, which is still used in Wessex.
Tuition was pricey at $26,000 per year, when I began in 1995. Freshmen were required to live on campus, and the cost of "room and board" was an additional $10,000. (I definitely ate three complete meals per day). Just as I graduated high school (unfortunate timing for me), textbook costs jumped for the first time in 70 years, and they've risen higher and higher in America! Consumer prices grow at 3%, while textbooks prices rose by 1,041%! I researched and won as many scholarships and grants as I could muster. I qualified for financial aid. I got a job as a Campus Tour Guide. My mother's inheritance money came to the rescue for most of my college costs. Thus, I owed her—which she reminded me again and again (even though her dead father earmarked that money for my college costs. [He didn't think my sister would enter college, and she didn't]).
Here are pictures of the campus:
The Admissions offices were in a renovated Greek Revival chapel from 1852 called Alumni Hall (seen below).
That's me, on the terrace of the Lil' Alf Cafe (at the Powell Campus Center, seen above). I helped the girl in the middle get engaged/married to my classmate.
which was like a continuation from my high school mascot: "The Chargers" (of the Crusades), seen below.
Full of "school spirit", I attended some football and soccer games... also enjoying the "eye candy".
The quaint Village of Alfred (founded in 1808)...
...was between Alfred University and Alfred State College, which was on the opposite hillside, as seen here.
The picturesque village's Main Street was so brief that "if you blinked, you drove through it". The population of villagers was under 3,000, which gave a "small town" vibe. Unlike suburbia, it was walkable and easy for people to get to the shops. That was perfect for me because I didn't have a car during college. I enjoyed the community's cozy experiences for four years.
This is some of the quaint scenery.
On Mill Street, a grocery store provided farm-fresh veggies, locally-sourced maple syrup, and small-batch cider. It also sold handmade ceramic mugs, made by university pottery students.
A talented woman sold handmade small-batch chocolates from her historic house.
It was such small town that everybody knew what everybody did. Between by hair stylist (at Hair Care on Main Street) and reading the weekly Police Blotter, I knew all of the news/gossip.
Here is the local saying about the ever-changing weather:
Whereas other professors wore blazers, sportcoats, or cardigans with suede elbow patches, those in the business college wore suits: pinstripes, double-breasted, or three-piece. Most women wore jackets with skirts. As a business major, I was required to wear a suit for classroom presentations. The notion was that if you eventually worked in Business, you wore a suit. Fortunately, I am not averse to dressing up. I bought my first one at Macy's—when that brand still had a spark of panache.
I wish that I could've taken my business classes in faster succession, but that went against America's profit-driven premise of "higher education", which makes you wait by requiring many Elective Classes, first. I prefer an institution that lets you take the classes you want—like they do online—and if you want to take "elective classes" like Music, Philosophy, or Greek Authors, then you can at your discretion. But then, American colleges wouldn't get four years of your money.
My rural university was somewhat “behind the times” in terms of sexual awareness. Yet, Freshman Orientation had an outdoor movie: "Rocky Horror Picture Show". For a gay kid, that was a treat! (Later that year, when the university's movie theatre featured the 1995 fabulous drag-queen film, "To Wong Foo", I went twice!) From my experiences living in “machismo” suburbia, I learned to hide my sexuality to fit in better… but that also worked against me. Yet, I didn't see a choice for myself: other people anticipated rowdy fun, while I sat on the sidelines.
At home, my sister remained irresponsible and caustic. She began her sex life early in high school, sneaking boys and cheap vodka into her
room (when Dad was away hunting or fishing with his brother), smoking all kinds of things, being truant from school, and spending
summer nights in thrilling ways. She shunned family life. She got multiple ear, nose, eyebrow, and
belly button piercings. She dyed her blonde hair red, fire-engine-red, black, purple, and auburn. Astoundingly, my father never acted violent to her after that one time (her first earrings), yet he continued to hit me for misdeeds. So, I was determined to prevent him from knowing about my sexuality.
In contrast to my sister, I tried of offer stability. When my maternal grandfather passed away, I became the family “curator” of our inherited possessions. I helped arrange the Estate Sale to empty my grandfather's home before Mom
sold it. (She should've rented the house as an income-source, as I would've done, but she didn't listen to my advice). Growing up eating "instant meal" TV-dinners on paper plates and seeing plastic flowers in plastic vases...
...my chance to add some panache to our home was like a windfall!
My aunt championed me for "preserving family history" and "saving" some special things from my grandparents' home. I was happy to do it.
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Those shiny things ended up being routed by my father (but at Mom's expense) to a Self Storage facility. After almost a year of noticing how much Mom spent, each month, on Self Storage, I donated my time to help sort through the garage-sized space, and I diligently re-arranged stuff at home to intermix the new items. You'd think my own grown-up parents could've done that, but no.
I found myself being a “therapist” about “how to let go”, “how to prioritize” and “how to organize” to get Mom to cooperate on the tasks she asked me to do.
Next, my mother desired new furniture. Since my father didn't care to participate, she took me to stores to pick tasteful things. At the Thomasville showroom, I helped her choose an illuminated wall-unit set...
...and an illuminated china hutch in French Provincial style,
...and an oak marquetry dining room set, with ball-in-claw legs.
With two "leaves", the table extended to seat 14 people. Finally, my home might be full of visitors/guests for some fun times!
My mother liked that notion, and we had a breakthrough against my father by establishing that he wouldn't be able to withhold permission for me to invite college friends for dinner. It was only possible during school-breaks and summer vacation. I offered to invite them on days when he wasn't home, or to pick times that mingled my friends (whom I had yet to make) with his relatives at festive occasions (just as my cousins did). It helped that his uncles and aunts were eager to use our new furniture... especially since I volunteered to assist with the food preparation. Everyone respected that I cooked well.
My aunt championed me for "preserving family history" and "saving" some special things from my grandparents' home. I was happy to do it.
Those shiny things ended up being routed by my father (but at Mom's expense) to a Self Storage facility. After almost a year of noticing how much Mom spent, each month, on Self Storage, I donated my time to help sort through the garage-sized space, and I diligently re-arranged stuff at home to intermix the new items. You'd think my own grown-up parents could've done that, but no.
I found myself being a “therapist” about “how to let go”, “how to prioritize” and “how to organize” to get Mom to cooperate on the tasks she asked me to do.
Next, my mother desired new furniture. Since my father didn't care to participate, she took me to stores to pick tasteful things. At the Thomasville showroom, I helped her choose an illuminated wall-unit set...
...and an illuminated china hutch in French Provincial style,
...and an oak marquetry dining room set, with ball-in-claw legs.
My mother liked that notion, and we had a breakthrough against my father by establishing that he wouldn't be able to withhold permission for me to invite college friends for dinner. It was only possible during school-breaks and summer vacation. I offered to invite them on days when he wasn't home, or to pick times that mingled my friends (whom I had yet to make) with his relatives at festive occasions (just as my cousins did). It helped that his uncles and aunts were eager to use our new furniture... especially since I volunteered to assist with the food preparation. Everyone respected that I cooked well.
My next "uphill challenge" was putting all of the inherited things to use. My father wanted everything packed away and preferred plastic plates & cups, and disposable utensils. My mother was afraid to to use the finery and wanted to save it only for special occasions. None of that made sense to me. Why have it if you don't use it? Only using a set of china dishes twice a year seemed idiotic. Doing all the prep work myself, I eased the usage into our daily life. I polished the silver and put out the china and crystal stemware.
Much different than my parents, I was always a good host. I had an inborn flair for entertaining. Even as I entered college, I already knew how to provide a fun and comfortably elegant time. Below is a letter from my mother's coworker who dined at our home. Feeling like "Princess Diana", she wrote to me to thank me for the experience. It was my first Thank You letter.
In contrast, my sister cost our family money by wrecking both cars during illegal joyrides, breaking things during house parties (smashing windows, clogging the toilet with a friend’s tampon), and stealing. Despite her actions, she never went to Juvenile Court. She ran off nightly, blasted music in her room, and only made “guest appearances” at family gatherings. I got the "pat on the head" for doing good things, yet they coddled her “because she must’ve been so frustrated and depressed”. Mom told me not to outshine her because she “must have a learning curve”. Mom claimed that she too was a poor test taker… which is why she held meager jobs as teacher’s assistant, clerk, and receptionist.
Our three cousins (several years older than me) chose to take my sister to go partying at night, illegally drinking underage at bars, and got her cigarettes (which I didn't want anyway), which was also illegal at her age. They looked oddly at me: the boy who never brought a girl over, didn’t have pin-up posters of bikini-clad women in his tidy room, helped his mom clear the dinner table, and wasn’t excited about hockey or basketball. They brought guy-friends and introduced them to my sister's mouth and legs. They all swapped stories on how to "get away with murder" without letting adults know.
Much different than my parents, I was always a good host. I had an inborn flair for entertaining. Even as I entered college, I already knew how to provide a fun and comfortably elegant time. Below is a letter from my mother's coworker who dined at our home. Feeling like "Princess Diana", she wrote to me to thank me for the experience. It was my first Thank You letter.
In contrast, my sister cost our family money by wrecking both cars during illegal joyrides, breaking things during house parties (smashing windows, clogging the toilet with a friend’s tampon), and stealing. Despite her actions, she never went to Juvenile Court. She ran off nightly, blasted music in her room, and only made “guest appearances” at family gatherings. I got the "pat on the head" for doing good things, yet they coddled her “because she must’ve been so frustrated and depressed”. Mom told me not to outshine her because she “must have a learning curve”. Mom claimed that she too was a poor test taker… which is why she held meager jobs as teacher’s assistant, clerk, and receptionist.
Our three cousins (several years older than me) chose to take my sister to go partying at night, illegally drinking underage at bars, and got her cigarettes (which I didn't want anyway), which was also illegal at her age. They looked oddly at me: the boy who never brought a girl over, didn’t have pin-up posters of bikini-clad women in his tidy room, helped his mom clear the dinner table, and wasn’t excited about hockey or basketball. They brought guy-friends and introduced them to my sister's mouth and legs. They all swapped stories on how to "get away with murder" without letting adults know.
All the while, Mom planned to live
off of other people, such as me, to support her
life. My father saved
his money for a new home and his new
life. My sister spent whatever she
got, took and took from a string of boytoys, and planned to steal, in order to start her own new life.
Those details explain why I invited 18 friends to my home on Long Island (some came several times), yet I made sure they couldn't accidentally tell my parents that I was gay.
At college, I “raised my hand” in class, was a conversationalist with kids from ALL OVER the country and world, and was a desired contributor for "group work" assignments/homework. (Looking back, I wish that the university had promoted its Foreign Exchange Student Program, because it would've been hugely beneficial for me). Before delving into pure Business classes (Marketing Research, Economics, Statistics, Accounting, Organizational Studies, Sociology), my Faculty Advisor advised me to add Liberal Arts classes to my first semester.
Two of my favorites were Creative Writing (taught by Mrs. Martelle) and British Literature (instructed by Dr. McDonough). Professor McDonough was from Britain and had a lovely accent.
Dressed in dapper tweed jackets, suede vests, and gabardines, he always exuded a sparkling confidence and enthusiasm. His skills and tips influenced my writing thereafter. (I was always a fan of British culture, so when I started writing novels, two of my six main characters were British).
I certainly valued it more than my Finance class (taught by Dr. Robana from Tunisia).
Instead of teaching about debt-reduction and warning his students against the avalanche of credit card applications that they got, his priorities were that everyone should read The Wall Street Journal and spend enough to achieve a Gold American Express Card. (Later, I actually "achieved" a Platinum Amex card... until I became dissatisfied with how Amex charged me a pricey annual fee for the "privilege" of using their card!)
The other non-business classes that piqued my intellect were Environmental Studies (every wasteful American should attend) and Psychology, which helped me understand people and increase how I valued them.
Due to my charisma, I was voted to
officer positions in many student organizations. For a small university, AU had a plethora of student groups, clubs, teams, and organizations.
I created new levels of success for activities in my College of Business, and I won the admiration of my dean, professors, and
even the janitors (I respect everybody). As a "student leader", I was selected and invited to Board of Trustee Dinners.
When the chef served quail, I was the only student who didn't make a mess while consuming it. Alas, a dark-skinned trustee named Ruth Scott whispered to her husband, "He seems nice but uppity". Her jovial husband whispered back, "Nah, I think he's just being respectful with his manners and he's nervous. He just wants to make a good impression." Ruth remained unimpressed and resisted my attempts to "connect". At another dinner, a grumpy CEO from a finance firm in Manhattan asked about my GPA scores. But then he sneered at me, bragging that he was merely a mid-score student, but he outclassed his classmates with his current job. He insisted that grades weren't as important as money-making. That's unusual for a supporter of an educational institution. No, he did not reply to my help finding a job. Instead, he shouted into his mobile phone to his corporate underlings.
After 16 years as the university president, Edward G. Coll, Jr. took me out to lunch one day, in my last year, saying I was the most impressive young man he saw in a long time. He said that I was a great salesman and organizer. He hoped that I would raise money for the school like I did for the student groups. Later that year, he bestowed on me his President's Award (that's us below) at a dinner banquet in my honor! It recognized my "hard work" for the betterment of Student Life on campus.
(Years after graduation, I was one of only three graduates whom he invited to his black-tie retirement dinner at NYC's 5-star Pierre Hotel. Not having anyone else to take, I proudly rented a tuxedo for my Dad, put mine on, rented a limousine, and took my parents for the dinner and dancing via Bob Hardwick High Society Orchestra).
When the chef served quail, I was the only student who didn't make a mess while consuming it. Alas, a dark-skinned trustee named Ruth Scott whispered to her husband, "He seems nice but uppity". Her jovial husband whispered back, "Nah, I think he's just being respectful with his manners and he's nervous. He just wants to make a good impression." Ruth remained unimpressed and resisted my attempts to "connect". At another dinner, a grumpy CEO from a finance firm in Manhattan asked about my GPA scores. But then he sneered at me, bragging that he was merely a mid-score student, but he outclassed his classmates with his current job. He insisted that grades weren't as important as money-making. That's unusual for a supporter of an educational institution. No, he did not reply to my help finding a job. Instead, he shouted into his mobile phone to his corporate underlings.
After 16 years as the university president, Edward G. Coll, Jr. took me out to lunch one day, in my last year, saying I was the most impressive young man he saw in a long time. He said that I was a great salesman and organizer. He hoped that I would raise money for the school like I did for the student groups. Later that year, he bestowed on me his President's Award (that's us below) at a dinner banquet in my honor! It recognized my "hard work" for the betterment of Student Life on campus.
(Years after graduation, I was one of only three graduates whom he invited to his black-tie retirement dinner at NYC's 5-star Pierre Hotel. Not having anyone else to take, I proudly rented a tuxedo for my Dad, put mine on, rented a limousine, and took my parents for the dinner and dancing via Bob Hardwick High Society Orchestra).
Throughout college, I was happily busy on campus. I was the Arts & Entertainment Editor of the student newspaper Fiat Lux, which is Latin for "Let there be light".
Meeting every deadline, I assigned articles to my two writers and one photographer. I wrote/interviewed about each performance, recital, concert, and exhibit.
I hungrily wrote Sports articles about the Men's Swimming & Diving Teams! I enjoyed interviewing and photographing them. Ha ha!
Most importantly, for each edition of the newspaper, I created a section named Campus Spotlight, to highlight the wonderful AU employees who did great things behind-the-scenes. I learned to be a wonderful éminence grise.
I loved the semesterly Fine Art Shows, and the canapés and champagne were delectable perks.
Alas, few of the student artists were gay, and they didn't seem keen to mingle with me. When I tried to express interest (and make a connection) by offering to write an article about them, they were disinterested. (The straight artists leapt at the chance). I had fun amidst the art, anyway.
Many events occurred at the newly-opened $14 million Performing Arts Center, seen below, where I enrolled in a Music Appreciation class as part of my mandatory "electives".
I hungrily wrote Sports articles about the Men's Swimming & Diving Teams! I enjoyed interviewing and photographing them. Ha ha!
But I also volunteered to be a photographer for football interviews... for the calves and butts.
I recreated the layout of the newspaper, and it won a national award at the Columbia Scholastic Press Association. The university funded our journey to Manhattan to receive a nationwide award while attending the conference of College Media Advisors. It was at the Marriott Marquis Hotel at Times Square.
In an era before the internet and Google Maps, I had no clue where to go in NYC for gay life. I walked a few blocks in each direction from the hotel, but the area around Times Square was disgustingly full of vagrants, homeless men, garbage, beggars, hookers, and tourist families. (It still is).
While other students bemoaned their inability to sneak into bars and pubs for underage drinking, I dressed up and smoothly entered the hotel's revolving rooftop cocktail lounge on the 48th floor: The View. It gave 360-degree views of the city skyline.
I sipped Manhattan cocktails. (Years earlier, I was taught the recipe by my church's Senior Pastor. He bred my aversion to dyed Maraschino cherries, with a preference for real marinated ones. Dyed cherries are bleached in calcium chloride, then put into vats of high fructose corn syrup that is tinted with artificial coloring).
Achieving success at the bar, I brought my fellow writers and editors up there, the next night, and we had a lot of fun. Alas, I didn't meet any gay guys at the conference or amongst the throngs of bar-goers.
The boys with whom I shared a room strutted around in their underwear (which was fun for me to admire)...
... and they paid to watch the hotel's porn channel.
Scared to seem gay, I didn't suggest doing anything with our penises, but I felt sure that one of them would be horny enough to, and I would join. But, oddly, nothing happened. They merely commented on the movie scenes, made wishful boasts, and went to sleep.
The Yearbook staff asked me to be their Copy Editor. I was voted as Secretary of Residence Hall Council, Secretary for the Student Activities Board, and I became SAB's Comedy chairman: hiring touring comedians—some who were openly gay—and entertaining them during their stay!
Within my Business College, I became a member of Students in Free Enterprise (SIFE). Soon after joining the American Marketing Association, I ran for and won its presidency.
The Yearbook staff asked me to be their Copy Editor. I was voted as Secretary of Residence Hall Council, Secretary for the Student Activities Board, and I became SAB's Comedy chairman: hiring touring comedians—some who were openly gay—and entertaining them during their stay!
Within my Business College, I became a member of Students in Free Enterprise (SIFE). Soon after joining the American Marketing Association, I ran for and won its presidency.
Aside from running the AMA Chapter, I restarted publication of its newsletter (which I designed), developed its website, and initiated fundraising & call-a-thons (I got a list of alums from the Office of Annual Giving). I prepared annual reports for funding from the Student Government, and I networked with the Student Council President and VP of Finance. Under my leadership, we hosted the first AMA New York State collegiate and professional Chapter Conference! We earned acclaim and publicity... and more members. I was honored to be nominated for the Dean's Leadership Award, which I proudly won at the end of the year.
There was a office suite in the Powell Campus Center for student organizations, and all the kids working at the Front Desk knew me, as I often signed-out multiple office keys for each of my duties. I loved the interaction with people, all trying to do something good. I was able to have a larger impact in contributing to campus life.
There was a office suite in the Powell Campus Center for student organizations, and all the kids working at the Front Desk knew me, as I often signed-out multiple office keys for each of my duties. I loved the interaction with people, all trying to do something good. I was able to have a larger impact in contributing to campus life.
I was a founding member to establish a chapter of the
prestigious achievement-oriented Omicron Delta Kappa Honor Circle!
The other founding members wanted me to be the Vice President of Development (that's me in the bottom left of both pictures).
Before becoming official, we had to demonstrate to the national board of ODK that we were worthwhile. So, we created events. We designed "Breakfasts with the President", where up-and-coming students could chat with him and share concerns. People loved it. We gave out Leadership Awards to deserving students—regardless if they were Fine Arts, Engineering, or Business majors. They were great resume boosters!
The ODK Selection Representative (of 9 years, who also visited Ivy League campuses), Cheryl Hogle, approved us to have a chapter of the Circle! It was a first for the university! In front of the President, Provost, and Dean of Students, Cheryl publicly complimented my good taste, amazing organization skills (reserving all the rooms/facilities and arranging the programming & ceremony), the way I got the student body excited, and my flair for urbane event planning! She even appreciated the delphiniums that I procured (ODK's official flower), and the classy receptions—accented by the AU String Quartet and a baked brie with the ODK logo made out of puff pastry from the chef. She loved the printed programs that I ordered from the local Printer, in town. She admired how I amassed such a variety of people, on such a small campus, to create such an energetic event.
In just one year, after establishing ODK at Alfred, we vied to host the ODK National Conference! We competed against 300 other "chapters" across America. It was a ton of responsibility for me, with lots of scrutiny on such an ambitious bid. Our group made such a great bid that we got chosen by the ODK National Board to host it! Hooray! Alfred University was delighted with us for all the visibility we earned it. The Director of Admissions was thrilled with me (I still worked as a Campus Tour Guide, getting a high percentage of "Hot Prospects" for them).
That same year, I also found myself bidding for and winning the chance to organize/host a local Chapter Conference (of 8 other universities) for the American Marketing Association! After all, you're only at college for 4 years, and you should try your best. I effectively did it all—keeping the energy high with my fellow students and faculty advisors—while happily maintaining my high GPA and varied friendships.
In fact, those widely-known conferences got me selected as the Voting Chairman, then Planning Chairman, and even an awards presenter (below)...
...for the university's annual Alfie Awards: their version of the Academy Awards/Oscars. Twice, I was nominated for awards by the student body: for my newspaper articles, and Best Campus-wide Event. My idea of having a "007 theme" spurred a spy theme for the next 3 years, even after I was gone.
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Using my popularity, I launched my idea of off-campus "mixers" for the College of Business. I raised money to rent the rooms from the local Woman's Association Meeting House. To engage others and maintain costs, I suggested that the mixers be pot-luck dinners! My outgoing personality got everyone to attend—all kinds of students. I persuaded professors to play music, deans to cook with us...
...and the Dean of Students to bring his daughter (below).
I even enticed the president to attend. (Initially, he continually refused because he’d be obligated to attend everyone’s events. But I knew it was a strategic and social boon to have him at our event, so as the AMA president, I created an award to bestow on him “for marketing the university”, and he had to attend to accept it. That night, he laughed and told me I was slick and resourceful!) Faculty and administrators were impressed with me, and my classmates were wowed.
Simultaneously, I raised funds to send two AMA delegates to the national AMA Convention in New Orleans (my class schedule didn't allow me to go), where we won "Chapter of the Year" for the "most events and development and fundraising". I was proud to show off our plaques during the next mixer party!
From then on, with the president’s esteem, the university administrators at Carnegie Hall (an old Andrew Carnegie-built library that was converted for offices) took notice of me. Alas, they never helped me get a job after graduation or a reduction in college debt. They did appoint me to the student segment of their Technology Council. After a year of donating my time to it (schools don't give discounts for such things), the Vice President of Information Services wrote me a letter: "Your enthusiasm and diligence were huge contributions. On a personal note, let me add that it was a real pleasure getting to know you and working with you. It is people like you who make Alfred a great place."
At another Trustee Dinner, I sat with Peter Cuneo, the "turnaround CEO" of Marvel Comics in NYC. He told me how delightfully clever and "non-superior" I was, and that sometimes kids with only above-average grades become really important people like him. Too bad he didn't help me find a job either. (I asked him then, I and I contacted him before graduation). Perhaps I would've had better luck if Fate let me meet trustees who weren't from NYC... and not infected with NYC's unhelpful attitude to job seekers.
I also put together a "Sales Marketing" seminar. I reserved the largest lecture hall, promoted the event around campus, and I assembled a panel of speakers: the Provost, the Director of Annual Giving, the Director of Admissions, the Dean of the Business College, and the Mayor of the Village of Alfred. Each of them "sold" the university in different ways. I was very pleased with myself, and the AMA got credit for the event.
The ODK Selection Representative (of 9 years, who also visited Ivy League campuses), Cheryl Hogle, approved us to have a chapter of the Circle! It was a first for the university! In front of the President, Provost, and Dean of Students, Cheryl publicly complimented my good taste, amazing organization skills (reserving all the rooms/facilities and arranging the programming & ceremony), the way I got the student body excited, and my flair for urbane event planning! She even appreciated the delphiniums that I procured (ODK's official flower), and the classy receptions—accented by the AU String Quartet and a baked brie with the ODK logo made out of puff pastry from the chef. She loved the printed programs that I ordered from the local Printer, in town. She admired how I amassed such a variety of people, on such a small campus, to create such an energetic event.
In just one year, after establishing ODK at Alfred, we vied to host the ODK National Conference! We competed against 300 other "chapters" across America. It was a ton of responsibility for me, with lots of scrutiny on such an ambitious bid. Our group made such a great bid that we got chosen by the ODK National Board to host it! Hooray! Alfred University was delighted with us for all the visibility we earned it. The Director of Admissions was thrilled with me (I still worked as a Campus Tour Guide, getting a high percentage of "Hot Prospects" for them).
That same year, I also found myself bidding for and winning the chance to organize/host a local Chapter Conference (of 8 other universities) for the American Marketing Association! After all, you're only at college for 4 years, and you should try your best. I effectively did it all—keeping the energy high with my fellow students and faculty advisors—while happily maintaining my high GPA and varied friendships.
In fact, those widely-known conferences got me selected as the Voting Chairman, then Planning Chairman, and even an awards presenter (below)...
...for the university's annual Alfie Awards: their version of the Academy Awards/Oscars. Twice, I was nominated for awards by the student body: for my newspaper articles, and Best Campus-wide Event. My idea of having a "007 theme" spurred a spy theme for the next 3 years, even after I was gone.
Using my popularity, I launched my idea of off-campus "mixers" for the College of Business. I raised money to rent the rooms from the local Woman's Association Meeting House. To engage others and maintain costs, I suggested that the mixers be pot-luck dinners! My outgoing personality got everyone to attend—all kinds of students. I persuaded professors to play music, deans to cook with us...
...and the Dean of Students to bring his daughter (below).
I even enticed the president to attend. (Initially, he continually refused because he’d be obligated to attend everyone’s events. But I knew it was a strategic and social boon to have him at our event, so as the AMA president, I created an award to bestow on him “for marketing the university”, and he had to attend to accept it. That night, he laughed and told me I was slick and resourceful!) Faculty and administrators were impressed with me, and my classmates were wowed.
Simultaneously, I raised funds to send two AMA delegates to the national AMA Convention in New Orleans (my class schedule didn't allow me to go), where we won "Chapter of the Year" for the "most events and development and fundraising". I was proud to show off our plaques during the next mixer party!
From then on, with the president’s esteem, the university administrators at Carnegie Hall (an old Andrew Carnegie-built library that was converted for offices) took notice of me. Alas, they never helped me get a job after graduation or a reduction in college debt. They did appoint me to the student segment of their Technology Council. After a year of donating my time to it (schools don't give discounts for such things), the Vice President of Information Services wrote me a letter: "Your enthusiasm and diligence were huge contributions. On a personal note, let me add that it was a real pleasure getting to know you and working with you. It is people like you who make Alfred a great place."
At another Trustee Dinner, I sat with Peter Cuneo, the "turnaround CEO" of Marvel Comics in NYC. He told me how delightfully clever and "non-superior" I was, and that sometimes kids with only above-average grades become really important people like him. Too bad he didn't help me find a job either. (I asked him then, I and I contacted him before graduation). Perhaps I would've had better luck if Fate let me meet trustees who weren't from NYC... and not infected with NYC's unhelpful attitude to job seekers.
I also put together a "Sales Marketing" seminar. I reserved the largest lecture hall, promoted the event around campus, and I assembled a panel of speakers: the Provost, the Director of Annual Giving, the Director of Admissions, the Dean of the Business College, and the Mayor of the Village of Alfred. Each of them "sold" the university in different ways. I was very pleased with myself, and the AMA got credit for the event.
Maybe mine wasn't the most popular table in the Powell Dining Hall, but it was widely known as the most fun table to sit at—with art, theatre, chemistry, accounting, and ceramic engineering students. Even the kitchen staff and manager came to chat with me.I breakfasted on omelets, sausages, porridge, grapefruits, and tea. For lunch, I went to the salad buffet (not just lettuce, but cucumber, fennel, arugula, peppers, radishes, and beets), and chose hot food from the kitchen servers. I dined on steamed veggies, roasted steak or poultry, certain pasta from the sauté chef, and I always loved the fruit cobblers! I drank iced tea, instead of soda. I often took a piece of fruit as a snack. Mimicking me, friends who usually ate pizza and burgers chose from the nicer menu. Executive Chef Jonna loved me.
I snuck alcohol into friends' dorm rooms, sang Christmas carols with the AU Jazz Ensemble (and townsfolk who brought cookies), attended Wednesday Wing Nights at the Knight Club, and went to every dance recital, play, and musical. Without "campaigning" for it, I was eventually one of the most well-known kids at college. Several times—on the first day of class of a semester—I got applause by entering a classroom because the other students were so happy that I was in their class! Those are some of my fondest memories.
Above: the local volunteer Fire Department gave rides in their fire engine's bucket during a fundraiser that I helped with. The villagers truly appreciated the donations.
I remember my delight in finding out that I was to enjoy my freshmen year in the residence hall of my first choosing: Openhym. It was the coolest dormitory. Openhymers formed a camaraderie, since we lived apart from the other four freshmen residence halls. It gave us an air of importance because it was near the senior apartments, which were less supervised.
I was lucky to have a muscled jock (like a model from Abercrombie & Fitch) as my freshmen
roommate. He was shirtless when I first laid eyes on him, and he resembled this...
His name was Mike, and his only collegiate objectives were the basketball team and sex. I glimpsed his muscled body every day. It was like winning a jackpot. Regardless of the weather, he always slept in his boxer shorts. Every day, he was shirtless, and he got undressed a few times per day... and I loved it.
As the semester bore on, it was great to watch his bare-chested friends visit, with all of their
crotch tugs and athletic pull-ups in our doorway.
But it was also taunting (considering the lack of gay culture) to watch those jocks congregate in our room. My roomie was their ringleader. Girls followed.
Mike's sex life was the only on that existed in our room. Most college roommates arrange a signal system to let the other know if they want privacy while using their shared-room for sex. Mike seemed like an exhibitionist who didn't care. (At least he didn't leave our door open). It was inconvenient when I walked in on him screwing different girls (other than his back-at-home girlfriend), or when I awoke in bed hearing them grunting across the room at 2am. When he ejaculated during oral sex, he liked giving girls "facials", but he underestimated the range of his spray... leaving gunky residue in our room. I stepped around his used condoms on the floor and ignored his "cum-rags" in our wastebasket. Can you imagine what our room smelled like? Mike only cleaned up his side of the room when his girlfriend visited—and she brought his laundry to/from his mom, who did it for him. That probably contributed to his ineptitude of cleaning up after himself.
Mike's sex life was the only on that existed in our room. Most college roommates arrange a signal system to let the other know if they want privacy while using their shared-room for sex. Mike seemed like an exhibitionist who didn't care. (At least he didn't leave our door open). It was inconvenient when I walked in on him screwing different girls (other than his back-at-home girlfriend), or when I awoke in bed hearing them grunting across the room at 2am. When he ejaculated during oral sex, he liked giving girls "facials", but he underestimated the range of his spray... leaving gunky residue in our room. I stepped around his used condoms on the floor and ignored his "cum-rags" in our wastebasket. Can you imagine what our room smelled like? Mike only cleaned up his side of the room when his girlfriend visited—and she brought his laundry to/from his mom, who did it for him. That probably contributed to his ineptitude of cleaning up after himself.
With so much testosterone and machoism around me, I was afraid to act gay. Yet, since I didn't have any tales of virility with girls, Mike deemed me as unqualified to be his buddy. Girls also ignored me as they randomly knocked on our door, hoping for some "playtime" with my roommate. They didn't care if I was there, as long as I stayed on my side of the mid-high partition between our beds. It looked exactly like this...
While I did my studies and homework, I heard them giggling, him seducing, and girls sucking him off.
My roomie never watched porn; he got the real experience "on demand". Mike was always boastful. Revealing his sixpack abs got girls to run errands for him or move his brand-new SUV to a better parking spot (his dad owned a car dealership).
We lived in the largest freshman dormitory. It housed 84 students: 2 floors of girls and 1 of
guys. So, he had plenty of convenient/potential sex partners. He also dabbled in the female populations of other freshman dorms, sophomore suites, off-campus sororities, and upperclassmen apartments.
I was elated with the increased amount of young men who were around me. But it involved compromises of space/privacy. Growing up with only one sibling in a two-bathroom home, I adjusted my hygiene routines to accommodate the "shared bathroom" that 28 guys used.
Each floor was staffed with two Residence Hall Assistants (employed students who got private rooms), and a Residence Hall Director (a university employee). One of my RAs was named Angel. He was a "flaming" gay guy: "out & proud" and artistic with photography/outfits. This is him.
I gave him so much credit for “strutting his stuff” with his hairstyles, attitude, attire, and accessories—despite all the conservative rural disparagement around him. Yet, it was unfortunate that he never hosted any type of gay awareness event. He acted standoffish—perhaps to govern the jocks. As a gay presence in my freshman year, he was no help to me. In response to his free housing and free meal-plan, it seemed that Angel's priority was ensuring that our dorm had a free supply of condoms, which he used with certain students.
In that way, he synced his job with his pleasure zone. As much as I wanted to learn about gay life from him, he took
one look at my preppy appearance, parted hair, and penchant for jazz music... and never interacted with me. Despite my warmth, smile, and the fact that I attempted to socialize with
him (regardless of whoever was watching), he was curt and cold towards me. I can honestly say that I never rejected an invitation from him (to sit at the same table, share a meal, watch movies, socialize)… because I never got one from him.
Some guys love being with a virgin as a "blank canvas" to play with, as seen here...
...but Angel did not.
Maybe I was a poor flirter (not having needed to try before that). Maybe I reminded him of someone bad. It wasn't until years later that I found out that my "look" reminded him of how he was earlier in his life.
Angel didn't give me a chance to show that, I too, had "true prideful colors" beneath a suburban-influenced exterior. Perhaps, he was looking for someone more "exciting". Interestingly, our university's overall advice was "Awareness", "Acceptance" and "Don't Judge A Book By Its Cover". Sadly, he disregarded those mottos. I suppose that if I had worn lug boots, skinny leather pants, rings, and walked bare chested with a denim jacket, gay guys on campus would've welcomed me into their circle. But since I didn't, it was as if I didn't exist to them.
Out of 80 student organizations, there was only one for gay kids: Spectrum. It had the fewest members and held the fewest events. In costume, I attended both of its bi-annual costume parties. Members were always flamboyant—beyond how I expressed myself at the time—and it was oddly the one place that I couldn’t get many friendships. I have some traits that are less manly than others, but I never dyed my hair, wore stockings, or wore exuberant makeup at mealtime in the dining hall. I didn’t judge those who did, but those who did judged me because I didn't.
Despite my welcoming attitude, recruitment parties, and personal invitations, no gay guys joined any of the organizations that I participated in. One lesbian joined the Student Activities Board. I was friendly with her and her girlfriend, and I aided her to avoid a boy who was determined to start dating her. Alas, those girls didn't help me meet boys.
Spectrum's faculty advisor was named Ted. He never really socialized with me, nor did he ever agree to my ideas for co-sponsored events with the other groups that I belonged to. Spectrum kept itself as a closed circle. *Nowadays, Ted is more friendly via Facebook, and we made up for lost time. That's him below with his lace-wearing husband, Marc.
I kept my sexuality a secret to most of the heterosexual students. Not much of a secret, I guess, because how many college guys are so chirpy/social, with well-coordinated outfits, who love cooking/cocktails, love performing arts, and admire the male physique?
Nowadays, when my path crosses a gay man who is timid about either "coming out to people" or exploring aspects of gay life, I sense it and do my best to politely reach out to him… often creating great appreciation/friendships. People tell me that I should be a counselor or motivational speaker! It retrospect, if I had been “out” at college, I probably would’ve had a better time.
Marc thinks I'm absolutely scrumptious and wishes we lived closer together! (They live 8 hours away, at the other end of the state in Buffalo). During our last dinner in NYC, I told Marc that I wish I'd known a friendly personality like his in college.
Eventually, I discovered that my dorm had two other gay guys, in addition to Angel. I visualized us "connecting" because they might want to get to know me, or they might want to ogle the guy I lived with. Having one of the sexiest roommates in our freshman dorm should've attracted them to want to spend time with me in my room. I imagined us speculating how to seduce my "always horny" roommate.
I envisioned us gathering together to watch when he entered the room topless... and using that sighting as a starting point for our own frisky fun together. But, oddly, the gay boys in my dorm never had an interest in those activities. Instead, plenty of girls wanted to act like my friend so they could be in my room when Mike returned sweaty from basketball practice--or steamy from a shower before he went out at night.
I kept my sexuality a secret to most of the heterosexual students. Not much of a secret, I guess, because how many college guys are so chirpy/social, with well-coordinated outfits, who love cooking/cocktails, love performing arts, and admire the male physique?
Nowadays, when my path crosses a gay man who is timid about either "coming out to people" or exploring aspects of gay life, I sense it and do my best to politely reach out to him… often creating great appreciation/friendships. People tell me that I should be a counselor or motivational speaker! It retrospect, if I had been “out” at college, I probably would’ve had a better time.
(from The Little Prince, where people only see what they want to see. Above, they assume it's a hat.)
If you want to learn about my amusing college memories, please click this link:
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