Whilst attending the university, I earned paychecks as a Tour Guide for the Admissions Office.
It taught me skills of "reading people", identifying the "decision maker", oration, presentation skills, salesmanship, customer service, and strategies to help people.
During the summers and holiday breaks, I worked as a waiter in a 3-level, 7-ballroom Long Island catering hall for $90 a night. LIFE LESSON: Don't waste food. Seeing how much food was discarded, each day, made an impact.
There was no reliable public transportation to my job. It was 13 miles way, but necessitated an hour and forty minutes by bus! Using a car, the trip should be 20 minutes, but traffic usually doubled that. My parents had no interest in me having a car of my own, and they only let me borrow one of theirs to get to/from work. For those commutes, I was given the keys to my maternal grandfather's Pontiac Catalina. Coworkers nicknamed it "The Titanic". While everyone else drove cars built in the 1990s, I drove one from the 1970s. Imagine a beginner-driver like myself having to steer THAT thing! Yet, I maneuvered it ... and paid for its gas-guzzling.
Some coworkers called it a "pimp ride",
...but it was built like a tank.
Soon enough, its old air-conditioner broke, so I rolled down the windows to prevent sweating to/from work, during NY's humid and scorching summers.
My job? For 250-500 people, work amongst 10 waiters to set up a Cocktail Hour room, bring out 20 chafing dishes of food (and keep them replenished), serve, clear the small tables, clean up breakages, take and deliver drink orders (if guests didn't want to approach the bars) and then, after guests moved to the dining room, clean it all up. Then, line up for a Champagne March, pouring for all the guests. Take dinner orders. Serve appetizers and clear them (on trays at shoulder-height). Serve salad and clear it away. Get drink orders. Refill water. Refold napkins. Serve a pasta course. Clear it away. Replace silverware. Join the presentation of dinner carts en flambé and serve. Get drink orders, refill water, replace wine bottles. Offer platters of food as "seconds". Clear it away, replace silverware, and put out coffee cups/saucers. After the cake-cutting ceremonies, serve it. Join the presentation of dessert Viennese carts en flambé. Clear it all away. Get someone a final cordial or cappuccino. At the end of the night, clear up any remaining glassware and breakages. Stack all the chairs, collapse the tables, vacuum/sweep the floor, carry out and replace certain tables, unstack the chairs, add chairs from other rooms, and put out new linens (from the basement's laundry room). Then go home. It included an illegally-small 10-minute dinner break.
Most of each night's 7 hours were spent on my feet, going up and down 3 flights of stairs for a meager $90 a night. Every catering hall (on the island) colluded together to pay the same meager amount. I didn't want to work in a hot pizzeria, and local restaurants didn't hire teenagers as waiters. Country Clubs only hired people with referrals. America's infatuation with coffeeshops didn't exist yet, so those jobs were nonexistent. Two years earlier, the first Starbucks came to Long Island but was located in a posh area of the North Shore. My parents told me to be grateful for my summer job, so I continued with it... and made it pay me better.
After all, something had to pay for my business college's "required reading". These are the books that I savored:
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Unlike serving meals at a local diner, it was backbreaking, hard-on-your-feet work... giving food to “Bridezillas” and their “Real Housewife”-type families.
After working Friday nights, I worked double shifts on Saturdays AND Sundays: 10am-2am. I was the only gay guy working in that “Italian Guido” family-owned establishment.
Seen below with gelled hair, I was a hard worker. So, the Mafioso-wannabe owners "took a shine" to me and gave me nicer jobs.
They loved having me around to "add class to the joint", with my good manners and well-educated elocution. The other Italian and Latino waiters sloppily said, "Hey Jeet?" "No, Jew?" ("Hello, did you eat?" "No, did you?").
Most kids on the staff were under the age of 25 and had amazing sexual fun—on the premises. Sociologists claim that young sexual activity is spurred by American advertising...
At that time, the American public was enthralled with a movie called American Pie, about teenagers who schemed to lose their virginity before their prom, and one boy masturbated by humping an apple pie. That was the mindset of the nation.
If I had been attracted to girls, I would’ve had a blast. Blowjobs and
handjobs were given in empty bridal suites, the basement's storage “catacombs”, the roof, and
supply closets—during operating hours and during clean-up. A 23-year-old bar-back gossiped to me after he walked in on a teenage captain getting a blowjob from an adolescent waitress. Once, I found semen on the bathroom floor—after a 17-year-old busboy and a girl (a guest from a party) hastily left it. The Hispanic kitchen staff had sex with laundresses in the laundry room. After leaving work, servers regularly had sex in the lavatory at the local diner.
They had sex and oral fun in the parking lot, as well as across the backseats of their cars. It was no secret that the South American kitchen staffers had "sessions" with "visiting Latinas" and certain "favor-friendly" employees who wanted bigger meals from them. Boys and girls "hooked up" with guests, DJs, the guys who loaded the sound equipment into trucks, and the florist delivery boys. Three teen brothers (all waiters) and the Party Planner’s son (also a waiter) made bets on who could score first with each new girl that was hired.
One night, one of the brothers got alternating blowjobs from two drunk hostesses... until he vomited on them.
They had sex and oral fun in the parking lot, as well as across the backseats of their cars. It was no secret that the South American kitchen staffers had "sessions" with "visiting Latinas" and certain "favor-friendly" employees who wanted bigger meals from them. Boys and girls "hooked up" with guests, DJs, the guys who loaded the sound equipment into trucks, and the florist delivery boys. Three teen brothers (all waiters) and the Party Planner’s son (also a waiter) made bets on who could score first with each new girl that was hired.
One night, one of the brothers got alternating blowjobs from two drunk hostesses... until he vomited on them.
I was astounded: two girls—who were not acquainted—were willing to share saliva (and his semen). Demonstrating how desperate people are for cute faces, those girls remained attracted to him—despite his disrespectful puking on their heads. (I thought it was unforgivably disgusting, but I kept my opinion to myself).
Two college-age guys bragged to me about how they tag-teamed a waitress who returned to the catering hall for her second year. Another girl confided to me how the one of the brothers whipped out his penis, while she gave him a ride home, and she took his invitation.
During my seven years there, only one young man flirted with me. He did it only ONCE; not a series of flirting questions or gestures. And in those seven years, Russell picked the worst time. We were among 12 other waiters, lined up quietly alongside flaming Viennese dessert carts, waiting to push them into the hushed ballroom. That's when he asked me to go out on a date with him. To my ears, it sounded as if he had shouted the invitation! I didn’t know how to respond, and I simply looked at him with shock. Then, he directly asked me, “Aren’t you gay?” Who asks those two important questions in a Mafioso place?! Moreover, who chooses that timing???
That’s when I denied it publicly for the last time. During the rest of the night, Russell was sullen around me and didn’t interact much. After our clean-up, he didn't wait for me; he drove home before I got to the parking lot. The next day, I sought out which ballroom he was working in. I tried to chat with him (in our spare time between our parties' schedules), hoping to bring the conversation back, or so I could get him alone (from eavesdropping coworkers), apologize to him and say YES to his questions. No such luck. He seemed guarded. Maybe other guys had teased or insulted him? I intended to try again the next weekend—even if I had to wait by his car before he went home. But Fate arranged that he stopped coming to work. That was the Universe’s "big" gesture to me. Russell had quickly snuck out through the veil of depravation that enshrouded me. It took forever to get my next flirtation.
I learned another LIFE LESSON: Hard work doesn't equal good pay. I should’ve been a parking valet. Our place held 1,700 guests. That’s a lot of cash tips for cars—especially from men imitating "Sopranos" and “Jersey Shore”. Valets only had to "run around" twice a night, then watch TV in their outdoor gazebo, and flirt with the hostesses. It was the easiest job… if the head valet selected you. Most of the valets were from his lacrosse team. However, I remained employed because I knew that I would eventually become a maitre d' and earn large gratuities.
Not to be put asunder, I promptly acquired Letters of Recommendation from my professors, the dean of my college, the Dean of Students, and the Director of Admissions (regarding my job). Some kids were too timid to ask deans—but not me. I even got a weighty letter from President Coll. Partly bragging and part eternal thanks, I'll share quips from them:
President Coll, "I have known Ken for the duration of his baccalaureate career at Alfred University. Ken is an extremely energetic and positive leader with an engaging personality, who is highly regarded by his fellow students, the faculty, and administration. He is an excellent student. I recommend Ken very highly and promise he will bring distinction to a future employer."
Professor of Marketing (and my faculty advisor), Dr. John Howard, "I have invariably found Ken to be hardworking, intelligent, creative, and accomplished. In all his campus activities, he assumed vital leadership roles. Of special interest to me is the highly impressive way he developed synergy between all of his activities and brought each of them to peak levels of excellent productivity, with incredible effect. In a very short time, he became an influential campus citizen. He transformed the AMA from a sleepy group with a small unmotivated membership to a growing, high-profile organization. I honestly believe that it's all due to Ken's gentle leadership and good example. His pot-luck dinners are the only such events aimed at the entire business college. In my 24 years at Alfred, I have not seen a student transform himself so quickly and completely. While many marketing students fall prey to "common sense syndrome", Ken is impervious to that. He devotes himself to learning each subject and viewing the world through the lens of that subject. I believe he benefited far more than students with perfect GPAs. The faculty recognized it and singled him out for a one-student-per-school honor society, as well as the Dean's Leadership Award. Ken has my recommendation to any potential employer."
The Dean of the Business College, David Szczerbacki, "Kenneth's high energy, enthusiasm, creativity and persistence has been very much in evidence since he was a freshman. He has been part of an extraordinary cadre of students that virtually created an ODK Honor Circle at Alfred. ODK quickly evolved into a prestigious vibrant organization, in large part due to Ken's leadership and development skills. He is also keen in lining up ensuing leaders to succeed him in the positions that he holds across campus. His mature "people skills" and intelligence should serve him well. Ken is a "doer"! I recommend him to employers with enthusiasm and without any reservations."
Director of Admissions, Kitty McCarthy, "Kenneth is one of our preferred Tour Guides. He is diligent and hard-working, consistently exerting significant effort in all he undertakes. Ken is a catalyst for people becoming involved in our activities, surveys, and marketing materials. With "natural" leadership talents, Ken has an instinct for implementing ideas and getting things done. From my perspective, Ken has that quiet but determined approach and attitude. His peers respect his intellect. Moreover, he needs little, if any, direction when given a task or challenge. I am confident that Kenneth has the background, potential, and ambition to be a solid leader at the professional level and in future endeavors."
Professor of Finance, Dr. Robana, "Foremost, Ken is a gentleman in the real sense of the word. His coordination skills surfaced when he delivered policies regarding membership and constitutions of the student organizations that he led. He demonstrated a sound perspective of complex situations and shows keen analytical capabilities. Ken's networking skills are natural and have often brought varied people together. At present, his interests are strategies, marketing, sales and consulting."
Dean of Students, Gerald Brody, "One of the things that make Kenneth so special is his tremendous organizational skills and meticulous attention to detail. One knows that if Ken does something, it will be done right. Add his personality, people skills, professionalism, and the fact that Ken is genuinely a nice person, and you have an excellent future employee."
Professor of Organizational Behavior, Dr. Viggiani, "Ken's abilities as a speaker and organizer are amazing. He has the unique ability to present his ideas in a very authoritative fashion, unusual in someone of his age. He is extremely articulate and highly focused, when he proposes and carries out projects. I have seen Ken put this style, maturity and capacity to take on responsibility for a variety of causes. I am always impressed when Ken comes to me with yet another activity or idea! His innate talents will make him an asset in any management group."
Hooray! I was so proud to earn them!
It's a shame that I never got to use them for my first job. Instead, I had other "gifts" from Life waiting ahead for me…
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A bridal attendant—who received breast implants as a 21st birthday gift from her mom and who loved to grab my crotch—loved being partnered with me. We were eventually known as "The A-team". The night after I helped her get a promotion from "Class B" to "Class A" server, she asked me to give her a ride home. To thank me, she got topless in my car. The young woman with the most desirable breasts in our 100-person workforce put them in my palms... and wanted me to initiate foreplay.
Reaching into my pants, she was disappointed that I wasn't aroused. I admitted that I was gay. Stuffing her boobs into her halter top, she had a flood of questions about what she imagined my sex life to be. My gayness remained our secret. Together, we fantasized about cute guys in the parties. She gossiped to me about the shape/bend of each penis she saw there. Alas, I saw none.
A middle-aged waitress was the only other person who detected that I was gay; we had hilarious camaraderie. Both women were named Andrea, but they pronounced their names differently. The older waitress worked there for many years. Behind the scenes, she was unabashedly crude, abrupt, and foul-mouthed like a truck driver. Yet, something about me endeared her to me. She preferred working with me, we had many laughs, and I made her feel "lighter". Earning her respect in our workplace helped my reputation.
During my seven years there, only one young man flirted with me. He did it only ONCE; not a series of flirting questions or gestures. And in those seven years, Russell picked the worst time. We were among 12 other waiters, lined up quietly alongside flaming Viennese dessert carts, waiting to push them into the hushed ballroom. That's when he asked me to go out on a date with him. To my ears, it sounded as if he had shouted the invitation! I didn’t know how to respond, and I simply looked at him with shock. Then, he directly asked me, “Aren’t you gay?” Who asks those two important questions in a Mafioso place?! Moreover, who chooses that timing???
That’s when I denied it publicly for the last time. During the rest of the night, Russell was sullen around me and didn’t interact much. After our clean-up, he didn't wait for me; he drove home before I got to the parking lot. The next day, I sought out which ballroom he was working in. I tried to chat with him (in our spare time between our parties' schedules), hoping to bring the conversation back, or so I could get him alone (from eavesdropping coworkers), apologize to him and say YES to his questions. No such luck. He seemed guarded. Maybe other guys had teased or insulted him? I intended to try again the next weekend—even if I had to wait by his car before he went home. But Fate arranged that he stopped coming to work. That was the Universe’s "big" gesture to me. Russell had quickly snuck out through the veil of depravation that enshrouded me. It took forever to get my next flirtation.
I learned another LIFE LESSON: Hard work doesn't equal good pay. I should’ve been a parking valet. Our place held 1,700 guests. That’s a lot of cash tips for cars—especially from men imitating "Sopranos" and “Jersey Shore”. Valets only had to "run around" twice a night, then watch TV in their outdoor gazebo, and flirt with the hostesses. It was the easiest job… if the head valet selected you. Most of the valets were from his lacrosse team. However, I remained employed because I knew that I would eventually become a maitre d' and earn large gratuities.
Coworkers asked me to smoke "pot", go clubbing, or go to someone’s home
for a party afterwards. Even
though I was popular because of my personality, I declined certain activities because “drinking until vomiting” and "smoking until delirious" weren’t fun. I went to the diner, house-parties, and bars to drink irresponsibly with them. I
ogled the shirtless young waiters and busboys, as they flexed
for the girls.
Nightly, I returned home (where my estranged parents lazily sat in front of TVs in different rooms). I went to my bedroom and let my imagination of the boys' frolicking help me release.
Nightly, I returned home (where my estranged parents lazily sat in front of TVs in different rooms). I went to my bedroom and let my imagination of the boys' frolicking help me release.
On the bright side, I was highly revered by the owners. One day I
was clearing tables and brought a full tray into the
kitchen. The liquid accidently
splashed one on of the Latin American dishwashers. He threw dirty water back at me. The General Manager saw it and immediately screamed, “Stop everything in the kitchen RIGHT NOW!” The cooks, waiters, chefs, and busboys stopped. He got the sous chef to translate to
the dishwasher and said, “This is the NICEST young man who ever worked
here. If anyone ever does
something like that again to him—for whatever reason—I will fire them
immediately!” I was “golden” after
that—not from "kissing ass" but just doing my job (still underpaid) to the best
of my ability.
I spent each of my college summers working there, earning money that I saved. During the summer before my senior year, I got an internship at Cooke’s Edge, a small cook’s supply company. My job was the Administrative Assistant to the owner, Mr. Cooke. I did "cold calling" for him. He praised how smart, attentive, and valuable I was. I perceived needs before they happened. I improved the efficiency of the office, and everyone loved my “professional presence” and “phone voice”.
Returning to campus for my final year, I was excited.
Upon graduating from my university with honors, I was the
first student in TEN YEARS to be inducted to the Alpha Mu Alpha Honor
Society! It was voted by the faculty, and only one student in each university could have the award bestowed on them. I was awestruck.
I recall how the classical march, Pomp and Circumstance (written by an English baronet, Sir Edward Elgar) boomed in the background. During the "cap & gown" ceremony, my parents were seated in
the VIP section. Regardless of that, my father actually fell asleep. He also slept through the Honors Convocation for me, during the prior night. As seen below, I savored my professors' praise, instead of from my parents.
Knowing how close I lived to New York City, my professors and peers encouraged me to seek a rewarding job in Manhattan. Alas, I didn't know that it was another cesspool: the biggest "false advertising campaign" in the world. My life might've been hugely better if I started my career in an upstanding city or abroad.
Before graduation, I took the initiative to organize a trip with my Marketing classmates to
NYC to meet with influential companies. Since I couldn't afford to make such a trip on my own, I worked to find a way for the university to pay. I refined my resume with AU's Career Development Center (housed in that castle, seen below).
The trip was a networking event, and my dean and professors were proud of what I accomplished. Through the Office of Alumni Affairs, I reached out to several alumni and alumnae in NYC, including a VP at News America Marketing, a VP at Coca Cola, and the CEO of Corning, Inc. They each hosted our small group of students, talked about their company's marketing plans, and used us as "sample bases" for new ad campaigns. I asked how they got their first jobs, and they mentioned help from alumni. When I asked for that type of help, they evasively said "the job market changed since their graduation, and newcomers needed to gain experience elsewhere (unaided) and then try to apply". All of us were deflated and disappointed with those "alumni professionals". They used us for marketing research, but didn't help us. Networking for jobs had been the stated purpose of our visits that they agreed to. What a shame!
President Coll volunteered to let me use his membership at the University Club on Fifth Avenue (below), as a headquarters for our adventure. I was excited! The turn-of-the-century private club had been founded "to celebrate Social Duty and promote Literature & Art". That sounded great! In preparation for any people or connections I might create, I wore my best suit. The club has a jacket-and-tie dress code.
The building was designed by famous architects: McKim, Mead & White. The ceiling (seen above), created by H. Siddons Mowbray, was modeled on the Vatican Apartments. I never saw their famous Library (seen below).
Some kids planned weekend trips to get themselves laid. I planned one to find a great job. They had more fun with less responsibility and less effort.
The trip was a networking event, and my dean and professors were proud of what I accomplished. Through the Office of Alumni Affairs, I reached out to several alumni and alumnae in NYC, including a VP at News America Marketing, a VP at Coca Cola, and the CEO of Corning, Inc. They each hosted our small group of students, talked about their company's marketing plans, and used us as "sample bases" for new ad campaigns. I asked how they got their first jobs, and they mentioned help from alumni. When I asked for that type of help, they evasively said "the job market changed since their graduation, and newcomers needed to gain experience elsewhere (unaided) and then try to apply". All of us were deflated and disappointed with those "alumni professionals". They used us for marketing research, but didn't help us. Networking for jobs had been the stated purpose of our visits that they agreed to. What a shame!
President Coll volunteered to let me use his membership at the University Club on Fifth Avenue (below), as a headquarters for our adventure. I was excited! The turn-of-the-century private club had been founded "to celebrate Social Duty and promote Literature & Art". That sounded great! In preparation for any people or connections I might create, I wore my best suit. The club has a jacket-and-tie dress code.
I didn't encounter anyone. I was only permitted to sit in the Reading Room (officially, no talking is allowed there).
The building was designed by famous architects: McKim, Mead & White. The ceiling (seen above), created by H. Siddons Mowbray, was modeled on the Vatican Apartments. I never saw their famous Library (seen below).
Some kids planned weekend trips to get themselves laid. I planned one to find a great job. They had more fun with less responsibility and less effort.
To justify its tuition cost, Alfred University always boasted, "Our alumni will help graduates excel by considering how graduates can tap into their professional network and resources." Really? They did not help at all! (Whenever I'm asked to help people, I do a better job).
Not to be put asunder, I promptly acquired Letters of Recommendation from my professors, the dean of my college, the Dean of Students, and the Director of Admissions (regarding my job). Some kids were too timid to ask deans—but not me. I even got a weighty letter from President Coll. Partly bragging and part eternal thanks, I'll share quips from them:
President Coll, "I have known Ken for the duration of his baccalaureate career at Alfred University. Ken is an extremely energetic and positive leader with an engaging personality, who is highly regarded by his fellow students, the faculty, and administration. He is an excellent student. I recommend Ken very highly and promise he will bring distinction to a future employer."
Professor of Marketing (and my faculty advisor), Dr. John Howard, "I have invariably found Ken to be hardworking, intelligent, creative, and accomplished. In all his campus activities, he assumed vital leadership roles. Of special interest to me is the highly impressive way he developed synergy between all of his activities and brought each of them to peak levels of excellent productivity, with incredible effect. In a very short time, he became an influential campus citizen. He transformed the AMA from a sleepy group with a small unmotivated membership to a growing, high-profile organization. I honestly believe that it's all due to Ken's gentle leadership and good example. His pot-luck dinners are the only such events aimed at the entire business college. In my 24 years at Alfred, I have not seen a student transform himself so quickly and completely. While many marketing students fall prey to "common sense syndrome", Ken is impervious to that. He devotes himself to learning each subject and viewing the world through the lens of that subject. I believe he benefited far more than students with perfect GPAs. The faculty recognized it and singled him out for a one-student-per-school honor society, as well as the Dean's Leadership Award. Ken has my recommendation to any potential employer."
The Dean of the Business College, David Szczerbacki, "Kenneth's high energy, enthusiasm, creativity and persistence has been very much in evidence since he was a freshman. He has been part of an extraordinary cadre of students that virtually created an ODK Honor Circle at Alfred. ODK quickly evolved into a prestigious vibrant organization, in large part due to Ken's leadership and development skills. He is also keen in lining up ensuing leaders to succeed him in the positions that he holds across campus. His mature "people skills" and intelligence should serve him well. Ken is a "doer"! I recommend him to employers with enthusiasm and without any reservations."
Director of Admissions, Kitty McCarthy, "Kenneth is one of our preferred Tour Guides. He is diligent and hard-working, consistently exerting significant effort in all he undertakes. Ken is a catalyst for people becoming involved in our activities, surveys, and marketing materials. With "natural" leadership talents, Ken has an instinct for implementing ideas and getting things done. From my perspective, Ken has that quiet but determined approach and attitude. His peers respect his intellect. Moreover, he needs little, if any, direction when given a task or challenge. I am confident that Kenneth has the background, potential, and ambition to be a solid leader at the professional level and in future endeavors."
Professor of Finance, Dr. Robana, "Foremost, Ken is a gentleman in the real sense of the word. His coordination skills surfaced when he delivered policies regarding membership and constitutions of the student organizations that he led. He demonstrated a sound perspective of complex situations and shows keen analytical capabilities. Ken's networking skills are natural and have often brought varied people together. At present, his interests are strategies, marketing, sales and consulting."
Dean of Students, Gerald Brody, "One of the things that make Kenneth so special is his tremendous organizational skills and meticulous attention to detail. One knows that if Ken does something, it will be done right. Add his personality, people skills, professionalism, and the fact that Ken is genuinely a nice person, and you have an excellent future employee."
Professor of Organizational Behavior, Dr. Viggiani, "Ken's abilities as a speaker and organizer are amazing. He has the unique ability to present his ideas in a very authoritative fashion, unusual in someone of his age. He is extremely articulate and highly focused, when he proposes and carries out projects. I have seen Ken put this style, maturity and capacity to take on responsibility for a variety of causes. I am always impressed when Ken comes to me with yet another activity or idea! His innate talents will make him an asset in any management group."
Hooray! I was so proud to earn them!
It's a shame that I never got to use them for my first job. Instead, I had other "gifts" from Life waiting ahead for me…
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