Life Lessons : Let your Past make you Better not Bitter

We all want to improve ourselves… mostly...

A friend who’d read my “Life Story” in this blog... 

(click here to see it:

https://halfwindsorfullthrottle.blogspot.com/2012/11/0-false-18-pt-18-pt-0-0-false-false.html    )

...gave me a compliment because he liked the “Life Lessons” that were sprinkled in each segment.  For this New Year, I thought it would be fun to list some of them, as a guide to be mindful of.  I hope they’re helpful! 

-By the time I was a young adult--seeing the world beyond my backyard--I realized how financially-draining suburbia is.  
-“the world outside” your family nucleus may actually be a beautiful place
-Learned to find other mentors for life, if family was unsuitable.  

-In hindsight, I should’ve left home and found gay-friendly roommates in the city, gotten immense financial aid at a city college—since I would’ve been openly gay and on my own from my family—and worked initially at gay-friendly restaurants for considerable city-level tips (and networking) before jumping to a better-suited job.

-While gaining knowledge in college was beneficial, the biggest developments were People & Organizational skills.
-If you want to learn about any organization, read their "materials" but ALSO what's written about them by their enemies, competition, and by outside/impartial sources.

-An organization founded a hundred years ago might have great core values, but its modern leadership might have unwise/discriminating values.  Learn to discern the two and cherry-pick the right values.  Don’t feel obligated to belong to a group that has lost its way.

-"Awareness", "Acceptance" and "Don't Judge A Book By Its Cover".  Misunderstood and forgotten, people have greatness within, if only people would bother to look.

-I secretly liked him, but was too slow building up the courage to share my feelings, so he began to wane in his interest in me.  I judged his distance as disinterest.  I suppose if I had acted different, he might’ve been more to me.

-Don’t let the bullshit of today convince you that you aren’t beautiful.

-Hard work doesn't equal good pay.

-It's ok to say NO or No Thank You, even to your loved ones.

-Learn "Win-Win" and "Sharpen the Saw" paradigms.

-It's not what you know but who you know.  However, its never worth sacrificing yourself to get a person’s attention/connection.

-Aside from being economical, bringing your lunch to work allows you more time to enjoy it, to refresh and renew.  Going out for lunch may impart more agitation than it’s worth.  And more cost than it's worth.

-Working seven days a week just to pay for a home & lifestyle left me no time to socialize or meet boys! 

-Only entertain/host friends when it makes you happy, too. 

-Review carefully what you are given before emotionally or irrationally rejecting it.

-In a career, your contribution alone won't protect you from Economies of Scale.

-I was amazed by the people who continued to work there--as if thankful for such a belittling job… like animals in a cage, with the door open, who are afraid to move on and find something else, and prefer the safety of the cage against the unknown possibilities outside.  Not me!  

-The owners couldn’t manage money.  The business was bigger than their brains, they spent too lavishly on themselves.  Instead of renovating the kitchen (the heart of an eatery), they poured money into the ballroom (which attracted too many customers that the kitchen couldn't effectively serve).  I learned what not to do.  
-I also learned of the detestable rudeness that obstinate/ignorant customers shove upon Hospitality & Retail Industry workers.

-Homophobia causes mental health problems.  Being gay doesn’t.

-Those who complain frequently often have nothing to complain about, when compared to others.

-Take your full lunch break.  Overworking yourself and stressing with anxiety about when the next sale will occur (or other people's sales while you were at lunch) is just wasteful energy and not healthy.  The "point of diminishing returns" occurs if you sacrifice all your “breaks” and you don't see any more reward for the sacrificed time to recharge.  Additionally, as the "commission part" of your paycheck goes up, taxes consume more of it.

-Due to people's attachment/craving for material goods and to be better than their neighbor and to appease their spoiled relatives, they'll put themselves through horrible "grinds" of long lines, inconvenience, 4am shopping times, poor service, unorganized stores, debt, and stress.  When that occurs during the Holidays, it all detracts from the season's enjoyment.  And the mall owners and manufacturers couldn't care less and laugh "all the way to the bank".  After all, the people are doing it to themselves, and wasteful consumer spending makes more millionaires every year.

-Certain people get ahead in life by “screwing people” (figuratively and literally).

-If you’re talented enough, you can quickly identify personal traits of people (getting a “read” of them, a.k.a. “thin-slicing”), which will indicate an accurate summary of their personality and behavior patterns.  Use that for information-gathering, not discrimination.

-Because of my non-judgmental and helpful deeds (without me anticipating anything special in return), an unexpected personal contact became immensely helpful and kind to me.

-It can be terrible to work as an Employee.  No employee will ever be truly wealthy.

-To learn about excellent customer service, read Danny Meyer’s book Setting the Table.

-Due to the billionaire/owner’s own incompetence (and the "Emperor's New Clothes" attitude of his middle managers), he treated the business like a toy and broke it… and nobody who was left at the company knew how to fix it.  Typical of many 2nd generation rich kids.  If YOU are working for such an organization—despite how plentiful those kinds may seem—then I encourage you to leave it and find an more appreciative job elsewhere.  They do exist.

-If you’re so successful that your boss won’t promote you (for fear of losing the income that you generate), then find a new job elsewhere.
-Let go of toxic people in your life.
-Let go of regretting past mistakes.
-Let go of the need to be right.
-Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
-Avoid negative talk.
-Let go of the need to impress others.
-Let go of the need to please everyone.
-Stop complaining.
-Stop worrying about the future.
-Let go of the heavy Past that you carry around.  Quell your anxiety of the future.  Stop assuming that you know what's going to happen.  Admit your failures, admit how you struggle to always make yourself “right”, admit that there is so much "that you don’t know that you don’t know".  
-You have the power to change your life, but it may be painful to rip yourself out of the life of lies and false promises that you have created.  

-Think "in the moment".  
-Adjust your speech/thinking/reactions/bitchiness/complaining and focus on a positive aura and retrain your brain to be less reactionary and more positive.  
-Exude your own Identity, and don't "follow" others to be "accepted".  
-If you want to understand people, listen to them talk about their childhoods; if you listen with compassion, you'll learn where their fears or rigid patterns come from—usually a pivotal moment that "taught" them.

-The shame is that if you get into the social "rat race", you'll always be on that "treadmill wheel" and never have a life of your own.  You'll never find happiness coming from within (and I don't mean penises).  Friends of mine, who choose to be in that race (so they're "accepted" and paid attention to), have failed at relationships and true love.  Their "created personas" can't allow for the "occasional quiet" of a steady relationship.  Sadly, I watched them turn away from guys whom many of us thought were good mates for their souls.  Not to mention how much they forced their minds & bodies to "keep up the act".

-Some people inhabit stereotypes to be accepted.

-If you want to get more donations ("stewardship") to apply to projects, you have to describe what the organization is doing/why it is worth it--via the organization's newsletter/blog that is read by members.

-Instead of being obliviously happy for my thankless relatives' bliss, I realized that I was the only one getting the burden of it. 

-It's OK to doubt what you have been taught.

-She had deliberately married a "rich man" for "Security".  But her husband valued money more than his family, and their frequent arguments were about her and their infant daughter costing him too much.  She didn't marry for Love, and the Security she had married for was unstable.  

-Rent your property!  A plumber paid me $150 per month to park his work van in the driveway.  Collect money for doing nothing (whether you're there or not).  

-For shallow guys, its mostly about the size of your waist/pecs/biceps, the size of your wallet, the size of your penis/ass, and the tightness of your clothes (which guys want to showcase the previous 3 things).  We all like cute men, but sadly, many gay guys select their friends based only on those aforementioned things (unlike straight men who have friends of various looks/appearances and body types).  And unlike hipsters who respect unique "looks" and individual tastes, those gay guys can be as "cookie-cutter" as college frat boys (meaning that they all share the same hairdo, outfits, and mannerisms).  And if you don't have that "look", then they might not "look at you".

-If you’re having a hard time letting go of people, just realize that if they wanted to stay, they’d still be there.

-We don’t meet people by accident.  They are meant to cross our path for a reason.

-Funny how everything goes your way when you stop giving a f*ck.  The minute I stopped caring about what other people thought and started doing what I wanted to do, is the minute I finally felt free.

-Life could be a lot worse… but it could also be a lot better.  Don't be afraid to desire more.

-Illegal immigrants are “needed” by Business.  And they support many churches and social organizations.  They cost the taxpayers.

-Some hardships prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.

-Cool the flames of anger and resentment, per the book of the same title.

-Every person has to love at least one bad partner in their lives to be truly thankful for the right one.

-Learn how investments and the tax laws can benefit you.

-You never know when that single dollar during a fundraiser is enough to make someone’s dreams come true!

-A friend consoled me, "Your happy heart brings joy and peace where there is none."  Oh really???  Why would I want to always be where there isn't any joy or peace!?  A great voice wants to sing amongst a great choir—not in a cell or among out-of-tune people.  To paraphrase Mark Twain, "Stop trying to teach people who don't want to learn.  It wastes your time and annoys the people."

-During all those "interventions", he had deflected any search of his guilty behavior by getting me into the routine of defending myself and thus distracting all of us.  

-In life, you’ll realize there is a role for everyone you meet.  Some will test you, use you, love you, teach you.  But the truly important ones bring out the best in you.

-Sometimes, we cannot possibly know the beauty that will come from the storms we didn't know were coming, weren't ready for, or didn't want to endure.  For out of those storms, our wildest dreams (and rainbows) might just become a reality.

-LIFE LESSON: Don’t sweat the small stuff!