Sexual Innuendo & College Sex Quotes Overheard

     As the Fall Semester commences for many academies, schools and universities, I thought it befitting to blog these quotes (the first part was given by friends).  Hope you enjoy!

From the Dartmouth University Marching Band: “Band Quotes” are comprised of unintentional and misspoken utterings...  

"You grease it up, and then you shove it in even harder." - Dave 

"You just have to screw the bottom part." - Neesha 

"I'm glad he moved it up... I couldn't wait that long" - Casey 

"That's why my lips hurt so much." - Jen 

"Don't think about it.  Just put it in your mouth." - Eric

"I bent my thingy so that I can spit on my finger." - Ben 

"Don't slow down, do it like you did in the room!" - Jennifer

"You don't have a very good head." -  Jen 
"You didn't rub hard enough!" - Ben
"Oh, now it's up there." -  Jen 

"See, you needed to rub harder." - Ben
(5 mins later) "And it's still up there!!!" - Jen 

"I'll be ready to go in a minute, just let me get lubricated first." - Tony

"You can use your little finger, if it doesn't fit." - Karen

"Do you want to be the man, or should I be the man?" - Laura to Rebecca

"Let me know when you're not fascinated anymore and I'll try something different." - Ty

"It's all in the delivery" - Rena 

"Yup, and Jason can sure deliver it." - Jen back to Rena, dreamily and absently.

"You put it in the wrong hole: it's supposed to go in the LARGE one!" - Ashley

"Well, mine was short, not as long as Steve's, but hey, I make up in intensity what I lack in endurance" 

"We'll use yours, unless you go to my room and think mine is better." - Adam to Tim

"You can handle it, it’s not that hard." – Tony 

"Why would two people ever sleep in the same bed? ...... Ohhhhhhhhh!!!!" - Joseph 

"What am I supposed to do... bite this?" - Rena
"That's usually what you do with it..." - Andy

Dave: "If you use your tongue, you can direct it and make it spiral."

Wayne: "My instrument doesn't need any hands."

David to his, um, instrument: "Stay up, dang it!"

Adam: "Everyone let go. Okay, touch it when I say to touch it. Okay, go."

Ben Malkin: "You can't make it too big; otherwise it hurts when you blow."

Adam Weinstein: "I need you to hold my instrument while I pee."

Mike: "I'm not getting sucked in here."

Rena: "I didn't mean that if you squeeze Tiffany, you’ll feel better."

Mike: "It's like a 15 minute thing."
Mitch: "It's more like 5 minutes, tops."

Karen to the Band: "If you didn't get some, ask your neighbor to share."

Anna:  "Umm...How do you finger a G again?"

Steve to Joe: "Next time, let me swallow first!"

Chris: "Brian Hickey got me real good.  I didn't see him coming and he just shot me in the face."

Max: "Remember what we did last night... please!"

Mike: "I was lonely.  I had nothing better to do.  I was on the couch.  She was there and stuck it in."

Andy: "What's that about girls?  Tell me all about them."

Allison: "Instead of the drum, I'll bang myself."

Andy: "Do you want me to go in the front way or the back way?"

John:  "What's a box?"
--Joe:  "It's part of the female anatomy."
--Mike:  "You can put things in it."
--Mark:  "Don’t you have an older brother?"

  

Jen:  "Give it to me now."
Mike:  "I’ll give it to you later."
Jen:  "You promised you'd give me some at half-time."
Mike:  "You'll wait and you'll enjoy waiting."

Marc regarding Joe: "Well, I'd sleep with him if he'd bring duck tape."

Megan: "If you lick it, it gets sticky."

Fred:  "She's all curled up in my bed."
Beau:  "She never leaves it.  If she did, someone else might molest her."

Megan:  "Joe, you're rubbing off on her."
Andrew:  "I don't want to know what he's rubbing off on her."
Emily:  "Please don’t rub off on me."

Jen: "Pull up your pants, Alan.  I don't want to eat your banana."

Mike: "Hey, Wayne, let me stick this up here so you don't have to worry about it."

Beau: "If you stroke it fast, it comes out better."

Rob to Dave: "Get ready, Dave.  I'm coming in."

Anna to Chris "Do you blow or suck?"

Allison to Allan "I'll beat off the little kids for you."

Jen: "Did this thing just get bigger?  It sure is a mouthful."
Andrew: "No, it just gets harder."

Andy: "Look how loose it is.  I can put my fist in it."

  

Andy: "It's more fun to play with him while he's asleep."

Chris: "This is the longest screw ever!"

Jeff: "Come on, guys, elongate and tighten!"

Blake: "I love seeing Cara excited.  We need to get her excited more often!"

Alli: "Where are my pants? Philpy, are you stealing my clothes?"

Townie: "We can swap some later."

Chris: "Yours goes farther, but mine is harder."

Scott: "Most of my action is with my right hand.  I don't get any action with my left."

Kendall: "This is a pretty long screw, actually.  That's what's bothering me; it keeps poking me in the ass.  Do you think I could put it in not as far, then maybe it'll work better?"

Chris: "I've given my brother's a few good honks."

Chris: I have to make friends with Computer Science majors so I can sleep with them when it gets cold.

Meghan: "Yeah, that's all I need. More vibrating."

Andrew: "That was good, whoever just blew me."

  

Meghan: "Just one more time, and then we can do Andrew after that."

Hannah: "So, Meghan, what silly things do YOU do in the shower?"

Kendall: "Leave it to me to screw myself at 3:00 in the morning."

Kelcie: "You don't have to try very hard with me.  I'm easy."

Barbara: "I'm just doing my casual street-corner thing."

Chris: "Having spent lots of nights with random Boy Scouts in tents…"

Barbara: "Then I just sit there and say “Take me!”

Kelcie: "Give me a minute, I'm getting some."

Fez: "It just went down my pants!"
Philpy: "Careful, you don't want it to explode there!"

Andrew: "You should play with mine. It's more sensitive."

Al Giordano: "I'm slow, I can't aim, and his balls tend to bounce off of my head."

Sarah: Do I need to bring a partner?
Andy: No, there'll be plenty of partners there.

Allison: Do me next! Do me!

Katie Stebbins: "BUT let me just inform everyone, that I would know exactly what to do with Scott AND a flagpole!"

Bailey: "Where's my big stick? I want my big stick back!"
Some random percussionist: "How do you hide a big stick?"

Andrew: It gets messy. When I practice at home, I hold it out the window so it doesn't drip everywhere.

Katharine: That must have taken a lot of whacking.

Alli: "Hold still Mike, I want to touch."

Mary: "Stop making Alex react to your shifting thighs."

Dom: "If you girls put your heads together, I can get you all at once."

  

Kendall: "Meghan, come here.  Khalil, you too.  It'll be even better with three."

Justin (explaining): You blow.
Kim: Your mouth is involved?

Erin: "I'm coming, I'm coming. It just takes me a while."

Bailey: "It needs to be bigger and rounder.  The head is okay!  The head's fine!"

Kim: "I'm so tired, but it's wonderful! Oh, Philpy, I'm soaked!"

Bailey: Between the legs, just like everyone else!

Lindsay: I just did all three Chris's in a row.

Allison: "I'd hug you, but I'm doing that thing where I lick the cream off myself."

Elliot (to Tim): I'll put it in a very special place—right up your ass!

Amanda: I’m not doing it!  I had to do it with Nigel, and I didn’t like it.

Richard (to David): How do you want it?

David: I’ll tell you when you’ve got you’re hands on it.

Dave: First he insults my instrument, then he doesn't want to play around.

Andrew: It's all for you, it's all for you--just gulp it down!

Andrew: Let's see how flexible Kendall is.

Kevin regarding Blake: We'll tie him up, and everyone will get a blow!

Kendall: If buses give you your kicks, that's fine, but personally I prefer beds.

Andrew: Hey Chris, can we flutter tongue?

Band manager: "From what I remember, you guys really know how to party.  Thanks for last night!"

    

Andrew: Do you know where there are women?
Bailey: Yeah, they're in my room.

  

Andrew: All I need to know (a) do you want a ride, and (b) do you have a stick?

Diving Team Innuendo:

Scott (to Kara): You need someone to cream your legs.

Mark: This is easy; all you have to do is bend over.

Jay: Feeling my ass won’t keep you awake.

D: Oh, it will!

Kara (to Ian): As I missed out on the punch, will you give me something else to drink?

Deb: Look, I want you to know, nothing’s going to happen, I’m not going to let my sister touch you.

Steve: Yeah, I’m good.  Can you feel it?

Greig: If it spurts, stick it in your mouth.

Dave: Enjoy the pleasurable feelings you get when you spread your legs.

Team Captain, Chris: Say “Pop”.

Dan: Pop.

Scott: Pop.

Emily: Pop.

Mike: Pop.

Katie: How do you spell that?

Chris: That’s the sound of you pulling your heads out of your asses.

Emily: Karla’s not so pure, either.

Scott: I take credit for that.

Mike: You know what your problem with diving is, you think too much.

Dan: That’s easy to fix: we’ll go to the bar before practice.

   

Emily: I’m not starting until your back is arched.

Dom: Look down, grab hold of it, and pull.

Emily: Are you trying to get me wet?

Mike (shouting): Reverse Entry!

Scott: I need three guys to help me get it up.

Tom: You held it so hard, you nearly squeezed the life out of it.  Luckily, it inflates on its own again.

Peter: Fill the hole! 

   

Milena: You’re a big guy.  I have to move to let you get in there. 

    

Susan: Wow, look how nice and thick that is. 

  

Carlos: Hey, stop spraying the white stuff all around. 

*To see some sexual innuendo with a culinary theme, click here:

https://halfwindsorfullthrottle.blogspot.com/2021/01/sexual-innuendo-overheard-on-great.html