Perception. What Is Tangible?

     8 years ago, Patrick K. moved to NYC from the American midwest.  He was a pudgy "aspiring actor".  

Soon after finding an apartment in Brooklyn (it was less gentrified then), he got mugged.  Here are the pix that he shared to compare how his life has improved since that night:

     Things didn't go well for him, socially or romantically, in the gay mecca of Manhattan.  This was his "look" and the crowd he contentedly socialized with.  Unfortunately, that type of "look" will prevent anyone from getting accepted in NYC's gay world.  

Patrick desperately wanted to be accepted, so he shed his originality and authenticity, and copied what the popular gay men did.  Compare his old friends (whom he quickly forgot) to his current "friends", seen below...  

Patrick could not resist socializing amongst "the beautiful people".  A buddy of his got him a gay-friendly bartending job in Hell's Kitchen.  He exercised at the gym, in order to gain approval from others.  He changed his hair, mannerisms (adding phony swishy movements), speech (adding a fake lisp), social circle, clothes, attitude, and priorities (being promiscuous became his most boastful trait).

His first singing gig occurred at a gay bar: The Duplex.

Patrick became a DJ, promoted himself endlessly, and took lots of "sleeveless selfies" for Facebook.  They're all the same.

     I met him during the infancy of his "rising popularity", when he hosted Project Karaoke at Time Out NY's Lounge in Hell's Kitchen. 

He gained notoriety & popularity, which was everything to him.  Yet, his world was very small.

     Recently, he announced his acknowledgement that he hasn't achieved anything "tangible" with his life.  His focus was on nightclubs, parties, alcohol, sex partners, sexy admirers, selfies, traveling to gay destinations, and a wild nightlife.  He never pursued acting again.  After several years of whirlwind unsettlement, he wants to do some "soul searching".  Today, he relocated to California.  (It's amazing how many people move out of NYC for "cleansing").

     I consoled him that he definitely had several years of enjoyment--more than many other citizens of NYC.  His lifestyle and life-choices enabled him to avoid a stuffy routine, doldrums, boredom, typical job constraints, typical job stress, and the issues that most citizens deal with.  I reminded him of all the people he met, social events he was a part of, adventures of intimacy, vacations, brunches, rooftop bars, weekend getaways, and his availability to enjoy a spur-of-the-moment quickies nearly anytime of day.  Many call it a "charmed life"... achieved without doctorate degree, technical skills, overworking, or costing too much of his own money.

     It all seems fantastically fortunate!  A couple of years ago, Patrick shared this story: One night, he rode the subway, and his train pulled into a station.  A darker-skinned woman--resembling a homeless beggar--got on the train.  She neared Patrick and admired the pendant he wore.  Without thinking, he gave it to her.  It wasn't worth much.  She accepted, turned to get off the train, and paused.  Just before the subway doors closed, she looked at him and gently tossed the pendant back at him.  She got off, and the train continued.  He was amazed yet perplexed at the scenario.  He wonders if that was a spiritual "test" that enabled him to have such lucky abundance in his life?  

     The sad part is that Patrick is often depressed and unsure of himself.  Being surrounded by people who judge appearances, he is constantly uncertain if his looks are still good enough.  He worries about being excluded from his clique of "friends", if his physicality becomes unsatisfactory.  He has anxiety issues and temper tantrums.  He craving for more sex partners caused him to miss a soulmate, whom he can never get back.  His craving also prevents him from establishing long-lasting relationships.  At his age of 36, he lacks any employable skills except being a bartender and DJ.
     Was that trade-off / psychological stress worth a few years of sex / faux popularity?

     His life in California was a jarring "wake up".  Outside of NYC's microcosm, he was not as popular as he imagined.  The vibe in California was different, and his tactics didn't work.  In typical NYC style, his NY acquaintances immediately stopped paying attention to him online.  He was quickly forgotten/replaced.  (That's how NYC forces people to stay in their orbit--like Versailles kings).  Hopefully, Patrick's evolution centers his aura, as unhelpful qualities are shed and useful qualities are nurtured.